Moving in together – across country. Really?

The Golden Gate

To move in or not to move in: that is the question

Sherry (admits to “over 50”) and Claude (62) met online. They exchanged four e-mails, enjoyed two lengthy phone calls, and on the first date, both were very carefully falling in love. They both like Woody Allen, Mountain Winery concerts, old San Francisco, traveling to Santa Fe for the opera, Carmel, Wagner, and visiting National Parks.

She likes fiction. He likes nonfiction.  He loves butter, cream, and eggs.  She’s more of an advocate for quinoa, vegetables, and exploring the aisles of Whole Foods. They were the same age, had been through painful divorces, had launched their kids, were finishing up careers and both were seriously thinking about retirement.

He has a condo in San Francisco on Nob Hill, a doorman, spectacular views of both bridges; rarely drives – walks everywhere, and knows San Francisco like the back of his hand She lives in a tiny cottage in Redwood City- with a charming garden, a hot tub – there is no lawn to mow, no big home to maintain, just sunny weather, parking galore, and she has privacy, solitude, and a huge deck for entertaining –which she does with great frequency. She belongs to a book club, a Pilates class, and volunteers at film festivals and the Museum – he says she has ‘a Rolodex full of girlfriends.’

She works from home for three very demanding clients.

A Moving Experience On their one-year anniversary, they drove north on Highway 101 to the Victorian village of Ferndale and explored the area and the beautiful redwood parks.  Over crab cocktails in Eureka he suggested she move into his spacious condo in San Francisco.  He had a second bedroom that could easily be made into her office or study.  He listed the many positive aspects of living in San Francisco – such an exciting location and – more importantly- of living together.

She was thinking of the whipping winds and fog rolling in, parking challenges, the din of the neighborhood, the claustrophobic feeling of being so close to your neighbors, no garden…her mental list of “cons” grew incrementally. She was very happy with their arrangement. They were together all weekend and one or two nights a week.

Two of her 50-ish friends had ‘living situations’ with beaus – they kept separate residences and saw one another frequently. The couples said they embraced their privacy and alone time and claimed they were very happy with the arrangements. She pondered.  Moving in together and moving away?  Then his boss offered him a position in Florida as VP of his department.  The assignment would be for 18 months with the caveat that he would return to San Francisco six times a year for meetings. The offer was a promotion with great benefits – and would most likely be his last position with the company. Thrilled at the prospect, he called and invited her to join him on this new adventure. She had been to Miami several times and  loved the exciting city.

As she started thinking about crowds, summers, the weather, and the distance from her family and her friends her mood changed.

Her best friend said, “Go for it! It’s only for a year or so and you’ll come back here every few months. Just do it. Candace, her neighbor – an Eileen Fisher model, 65, tango dancer with a shock of silver hair said, “Men? I go dancing once a week.  I just want to be in the arms of a man for one hour –and then go home to my cats and I’m happy.”  Another cat woman? She was dizzy with input from her myriad friends and her love for this man – who was kinder, more thoughtful and generous than anyone she had ever met. She looked forward to their weekends together and suffered withdrawal when he left her on Sunday evenings…

Things fall into place Her best friend from Del Mar  took an artist in residence gig at the Oakland Museum and needed a place to stay – voila: the perfect house sitter.  She told her clients of her plans. No one batted an eye. She had a family and best friends meeting and affirmed the news…

She spoke to her accountant, primary physician, and her hairdresser and – all systems were “go.” After one exhausting visit to South Florida – looking- locating and deciding on their new address – and much preparation- packing, planning, organizing -combined with several Going-Away-for-Awhile-Parties- the couple  was off.

Bon Voyage!

Let the adventure begin. Would you be as brave?



Florida: Beaches and bugs?

What really bugs me about….

Myammy! Moving in together at 50...

beach_locusts_7_8colThe perpetually Sunshine State may be all about miles of white sandy beaches, warm aquamarine waters, and stately palm trees but, it also is the Bug Capital of the region.

“La Cucaracha” was a song about bugs that we sang in 8th grade Spanish class. Here, they are your roommates.

Our backyard is a vast tropical expanse. There are a dozen palm trees of varying sizes and a massive Star Fruit tree that drops bitter yellow blobs at an alarming rate.

Forget about sitting quietly and meditating while gazing upon this lush, green paradise. Everywhere you look, slithering on every tree, table, chair fencepost -are lizards, geckos and chameleons and the occasional black snake. They say the snakes are benign and supposedly good luck, however, that rising up like a Cobra-thing they do before they dart and gobble up lizards is gross.

Early on, the perpetual optimist, I thought…

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Skipping a reunion? Don’t even think about it

“Class reunions are the most important events to man”  Sartre

“Maybe by the 50th,

with all their FRICKIN’ grandkids born,

their PRECIOUS traveling done,

and their SOB STORY surgeries completed,



            “Never miss a class reunion.” Goethe

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.

Mother Teresa

“To miss a class reunion is like missing jello at Benson – unthinkable.”



Stop the Bad Guys from Killing our National Parks

Who are Trumps Nefarious Cronies?

Myammy! Moving in together at 50...

We found out why the Trump Administration hid

Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke’s Infamous Memo

on National Monuments for the last month:

It is a  flagrant giveaway to Trump’s Big Energy Cronies.

This unprecedented land grab would

expose sacred Native American sites, recreation destinations, and America’s most unique wild places to



logging —

and all the myriad horrific  disasters that go with them.

Here are some of the pristine wild places Zinke doesn’t want to protect:

Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monument

Bears Ears National Monument

Katahdin Woods and Waters National Monument

  • And that’s in addition to these precious monuments:

    – Cascade-Siskiyou National Monument, Oregon
    – Gold Butte National Monument, Nevada
    – Organ Mountains-Desert Peaks National Monument, New Mexico
    – Rio Grande del Norte National Monument, New Mexico
    – Northeast Canyons and Seamounts, Atlantic Ocean
    – Pacific Remote Islands National Monument, Pacific Ocean
    – Rose Atoll National Monument, Pacific Ocean

  • You Wonder, Who are these Nefarious Trumps Cronies?

  • “Koch and his brother David Koch have…

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If there is any fixed star in our constitutional constellation

From the United States Supreme Court

West Virginia State Board of Education v. Barnette:

“If there is any fixed star in our constitutional constellation, it is that no official, high or petty, can prescribe what shall be orthodox in politics, nationalism, religion, or other matters of opinion, or force citizens to confess by word or act their faith therein. If there are any circumstances which permit an exception, they do not now occur to us.”
“Freedom to differ is not limited to things that do not matter much.
That would be a mere shadow of freedom.
The test of its substance is the right to differ as to things that touch the heart of the existing order.”
“To believe that patriotism will not flourish if patriotic ceremonies are voluntary and spontaneous, instead of a compulsory routine, is to make an unflattering estimate of the appeal of our institutions to free minds.”

The  decision by the Supreme Court of the United States holding that the Free Speech Clause of the First Amendment to the United States Constitution protected students from being forced to salute the American flag and say the Pledge of Allegiance in public school.

Today is not April 1

No sadder proof can be given by a man of his own littleness

than disbelief in great men.

Thomas Carlyle





There are some truly terrible things …


By Elizabeth Warren

There are some truly terrible things happening in our country right now that President Trump and Congress need to address.

Common-sense gun reform.

Emergency appropriations for Puerto Rico.

A clean Dream Act so 800,000 young immigrants won’t get kicked out of their homes.

Funding for the Children’s Health Insurance Program so 9 million kids don’t lose their health care.

The list is long.

But Donald Trump and the Republicans in Washington have decided that the single most important issue facing our country is taking away birth control and the right to a safe and legal abortion.


The Republicans failed at a wholesale repeal of the Affordable Care Act and its protections for women – so now they are taking it apart piece by piece.

Just yesterday, the Trump Administration rolled backed the Affordable Care Act requirement for employers’ health insurance plans to cover birth control at no cost for women.

After years of the Republicans pushing for the Blunt Amendment to allow employers to deny birth control access, and threatening to shut down the government in 2013 over it, poof – Trump’s team has done it.

And they’re not finished attacking women’s health. This week, Republicans in the House passed a radical 20-week abortion ban. Now Senate Republicans are considering the bill – and some Republicans are pushing the Senate to change the filibuster rules so they can jam it through without a single Democratic vote.

Threatening birth control access for 62 million women defies common sense. If Donald Trump and Republicans truly want to reduce the already-record-low number of abortions in this country, then he should be expanding access to birth control, not gutting it.

But jamming through a 20-week abortion ban is particularly cruel. Only 1% of abortions take place after 20 weeks – and the reasons these women have abortions can be especially heartbreaking:

  • They are women who are told that if they don’t end their pregnancies, their kidneys could fail, or their hearts could fail, or they can’t get the chemotherapy they need to save their lives.
  • They are women who have an ultrasound and find out devastating news: that their fetus has a giant hole in their heart and spine, or a deformed head, or organs outside their body, and the fetus either has no chance of survival or has an abnormality so severe that it would mean a short life filled with pain.
  • They are more likely to be very young, or to not understand that they’re pregnant until it’s too late.
  • They are more likely to live in places where getting an abortion means driving three hours or more to a doctor who will perform one.
  • And they are more likely to be poor and need to save up money to pay for the procedure.

These vulnerable women aren’t the only people that Republicans want to punish. Doctors who are caught performing late-term abortions could face five years in prison under the House Republicans’ bill.

We’ve lived in an America where women died in back alley abortions. We’ve lived in an America where high school girls tried poisons and coat hangers to end pregnancies. We’ve lived in an America where young women who faced unwanted pregnancies took their own lives. We’ve lived in that America, and we are NOT going back. Not now, not ever.

Thanks for being a part of this,





October: Breast Cancer Awareness?


Breast Cancer Awareness Month

“With over 3 million women battling breast cancer today, everywhere you turn there is a mother, daughter, sister, or friend who has been affected by breast cancer.”     

Betsey Johnson


Breast cancer is not just a disease that strikes at women. It strikes at the very heart of who we are as women: how others perceive us, how we perceive ourselves, how we live, work and raise our families-or whether we do these things at all.

Debbie Wasserman Schultz

Wear Pink – think large – find a cure