Moving in together – across country. Really?


To move in or not to move in: that is the question

Sherry (admits to “over 50”) and Claude (62) met online. They exchanged four e-mails, enjoyed two lengthy phone calls, and on the first date, both were very carefully falling in love. They both like Woody Allen, Wine Tasting, Jazz concerts, old San Francisco, traveling to Santa Fe for the opera, Carmel, Wagner, and visiting National Parks.

She likes fiction. He likes nonfiction.  He loves butter, cream, and eggs.  She’s more of an advocate for quinoa, vegetables, and exploring the aisles of Whole Foods. They were roughly the same age, had been through painful divorces, had launched their kids, were finishing up careers and both were seriously thinking about retirement.

He has a condo in San Francisco on Nob Hill, a doorman, spectacular views of both bridges; rarely drives – walks everywhere, and knows San Francisco like the back of his hand She lives in a tiny cottage in Redwood City- with a charming garden, a hot tub – there is no lawn to mow, no big home to maintain, just sunny weather, parking galore, and she has privacy, solitude, and a huge deck for entertaining –which she does with great frequency. She belongs to a book club, a Pilates class, and volunteers at film festivals and the Museum – he says she has ‘a Rolodex full of girlfriends.’

She works from home for three very demanding clients.

A Moving Experience On their one-year anniversary, they drove north on Highway 101 to the Victorian village of Ferndale and explored the area and the beautiful Redwood parks.  Over crab cocktails in Eureka he suggested she move into his spacious condo in San Francisco.  He had a second bedroom that could easily be made into her office or study.  He listed the many positive aspects of living in San Francisco – such an exciting location and – more importantly- of living together.

She was thinking of the whipping winds and fog rolling in, parking challenges, the din of the neighborhood, the claustrophobic feeling of being so close to your neighbors, no garden…her mental list of “cons” grew incrementally. She was very happy with their arrangement. They were together all weekend and one or two nights a week.

Two of her 50-ish friends had ‘living situations’ with beaus – they kept separate residences and saw one another frequently. The couples said they embraced their privacy and alone time and claimed they were very happy with the arrangements. She pondered.  Moving in together and moving away?  Then his boss offered him a position in Florida as VP of his department.  The assignment would be for 18 months with the caveat that he would return to San Francisco six times a year for meetings. The offer was a promotion with great benefits – and would most likely be his last position with the company. Thrilled at the prospect, he called and invited her to join him on this new adventure. She had been to Miami several times and  loved the exciting city.

As she started thinking about crowds, summers, the weather, and the distance from her family and her friends her mood changed.

Her best friend said, “Go for it! It’s only for a year or so and you’ll come back here every few months. Just do it. Candace, her neighbor – an Eileen Fisher model, 65, tango dancer with a shock of silver hair said, “Men? I go dancing once a week.  I just want to be in the arms of a man for one hour –and then go home to my cats and I’m happy.”  Another cat woman? She was dizzy with input from her myriad friends and her love for this man – who was kinder, more thoughtful and generous than anyone she had ever met. She looked forward to their weekends together and suffered withdrawal when he left her on Sunday evenings…


She spoke to her accountant, primary physician, and her hairdresser and – all systems were  ” Really?”  After one exhausting visit to South Florida – looking- loathting and deciding on a new address – and dreading much preparation- packing, planning, organizing – combined with several Going-Away-for-Awhile-Parties…he went East.

She stayed behind.

And they lived happily ever after – bi coastally – for awhile

unnamed-11 Would you be as brave?



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11 thoughts on “Moving in together – across country. Really?

  1. Sammy D. March 2, 2014 at 4:05 PM Reply

    Read my post titled Stay Out of the Kitchen – Part 1 and you’ll see what Pickleball is like for me 😉 Now where’s my racquet?!?


  2. MeilaniM November 10, 2015 at 1:09 AM Reply

    Great post! May you find much happiness in your travels and adventures 🙂


    • myammynew November 11, 2015 at 2:31 AM Reply

      Dear M, Thanks for your lively lovely comments…I did “time” in FL – 10 months, 2 days and 8 hours. I kissed the ground when I set foot back in San Francisco. I did like the Key Lime Pie…that was about it…Cheers!

      Liked by 1 person

      • MeilaniM November 11, 2015 at 4:18 AM

        Hahaha so funny! I really held back to be nice, lol. I see you share my general sentiments about Florida. Congrats on being back where you left your heart 😊


  3. lifelessons November 13, 2015 at 5:49 AM Reply

    Good for them! Yes, I would do it if I really loved someone. Would you???


    • myammynew November 13, 2015 at 2:32 PM Reply

      Honey,I did it. Note: Truth is always stranger than fiction! Happy you were entertained.That is the goal.


      • lifelessons November 14, 2015 at 1:22 AM

        I was wondering if that was you, written in the third person. Good for you!!!


  4. Dom November 12, 2016 at 8:20 PM Reply

    Such an example! Great strength and positiveness 👏👏👏😊😊 I am sure you won’t regret your choice!


    • myammynew November 12, 2016 at 10:18 PM Reply

      You are so sweet. Thank you. It begs the question, have you been to Florida?

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dom November 12, 2016 at 10:22 PM

        Never unfortunately 😔 just seen Massachusetts in the USA.


  5. myammynew May 8, 2019 at 11:28 PM Reply

    Reblogged this on Myammy! Moving in together at 50… and commented:

    Once Upon a Time…not that long ago – two people – two goals


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