Monthly Archives: April 2017

She thought she said ‘gray’

birthday-cards-owl-quote-2Lori was an avid bicyclist. She belonged to two long-distance clubs and they travelled. There were five other single women in the group. Yes, they were competitive and a bit aggressive – however the women had a bond. They were all – nonchalantly- on the look out for: Rodney Right- Mr Big – The One.

Most of the men in the group were married, engaged or rabid riders who only kept track of their time.

One Saturday, the group pulled over in a huge park and stopped to have a bite to eat  (Quest Bars and Water.) Lori noticed a friend from work across the park and peddled over.

Her pal, Suzanne was with a large group of men and Lori  was intrigued.  She spent 30 minutes chatting with Suzanne and rapidly meeting a passel of people. Then, her group was off and she caught  up with them. 

Janelle, the loud girl in the group yelled back to Lori that they guys looked pretty “Gray” code for: old and not available. Lori kept quiet. There were a two men who were very friendly and handsome.

The next day, Lori called her new-best-friend Suzanne, to chat and really to ask about the very cute, older, guy in he turquoise blue riding ensemble. Mr Salt and Pepper Hair had been very attentive to Lori. Suzanne was out riding her bike when she answered Lori’s call.

Above a cacophony of street noises they chatted. Before Suzanne hung up – Lori asked about the cute older guy. And she heard he was “Gray.” Click.

No problema. She liked older men.

It took several phone calls, a little Google research,  and time before our friend Lori realized Mr McDreamy  was Gay not Gray.

Next!

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via Daily Prompt: Gray

 

 

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What on Earth were you thinking?

Earth

Thou shalt not Flirt?

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The Annual He-She Man Hating Club – Non Flirting Branch – were quite pleased with themselves.

The six card-carrying members had attracted four young women who might, perhaps join.  Club members served tea and finger sandwiches while they espoused their views on men, mating, dating and flirting.

The singular most important rule pertained to Not Flirting in Public. The Club members proudly performed their Club song:

 Rooty toot toot, Rooty toot toot! We are the girls from the Institute!

We don’t flirt – we don’t kiss- we don’t hug – we do things like no one does.

Rooty toot toot, Rooty toot toot! We are the girls from the Institute!

We hold hands, walk by your side and smile all the a while.

Behind closed doors, we do what we want, with whom,

and take the secrets to the  tomb. Rah!

Membership had been down – the members were dying to attract new women. Many had called – out of curiosity-  and none had joined.

In time, the Non-Flirting Club evaporated and no one spoke of it again.

The only lingering evidence was the picture.

Pleased

San Francisco Hero: Joe DiMaggio

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Joltin’ Joe –  The Yankee Clipper –  One of a kind

There will only be one Joe DiMaggio. His talent and tenacity are still talked about.  He is  best known for his 56-game hitting streak (May 15 – July 16, 1941)

An amazing record that still stands.

A boy from Martinez, California, Joe DiMaggio made it big. He came from a large Italian family and his father had dreams for his kids. Little did he know, three of his sons would be successful baseball players – and Joseph would be world famous.

The Golden Gate

When he retired, he ranked fifth in Career Home Runs (361) and sixth in Career Slugging percentage (.579).

He was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1955, and was voted the sport’s Greatest Living Player in a poll taken during the baseball centennial year of 1969.

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An American Icon

From the Joe Di Maggio Official Website
Joe DiMaggio was the quintessential American. More than a man or even a baseball player, he was also an authentic American hero, and cultural icon.

Tenacious

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire…

dr-butz

Henry J. (45, plumber, hiker “damn fine cook”) said he was tired of meeting women online who claimed to be 40 and were really hovering around 60.

Henry J has been single for five years and approaches Online Dating just as he does his job; he is organized, friendly, professional and, as a result: successful. Sometimes.

Humble to a fault, he called himself a plumber – truth be told, there were 15 minivans in three cities with his company name emblazoned upon them. He had three offices, a staff of 50 and enjoyed a very good life. He wanted to share this chapter and was having a dickens of time finding  Ms Right.

In the beginning, he was gobsmacked by the parade of women he met on Yahoo Singles, then Match.com; then he tried EHarmony. He looked at Plenty of Fish and turned away. It was Plenty Offish.

Who Nose? 

Henry J had once wed a woman who was addicted to a little “Nip and Tuck.” She kept going back for more and more plastic surgery and – in the end- he barely recognized her. There were myriad other problems in there marriage. He knew a thing about “enhancements.”

His last date was Mimi. Her photos indicated a blonde bombshell with interests in fishing, golf, skiing, and travel. A true gentleman, he contacted her, they spoke on the phone – briefly – she sounded very sweet and laughed in all the right places and he suggested meeting at Kaluz for coffee.

Three days later, he sat at the  table and waited 20 minutes for Mimi to show up. She arrived in a swirl of perfume and no apology for her lateness. Her skin was as tight as drum. He thought she was enchanted with him – then realized the look of surprise was frozen on her face. When he asked about skiing and golf – she said as a teen she enjoyed those sports. 

He concluded ol Mimi  was out there lying about just about everything.

He coined the term  Out Liar.

Next!

 

Outlier

Living on the edge

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Her mother warned her about the boys in the Coed Dorm

The three baseball players had a party every Friday night. Their door was always open and the RA looked the other way.

They were famous for being the “oldest boys” in the dorm. They had been ‘red-shirted’ so many times – everyone lost track of their ages.

They were right on the cusp of, “Ew! They are so old! What are they doing here?” And, “These guys are so cool and mature. They don’t even need a Fake ID.”

Their names were Jesse, James and Jim. Jesse had a tattoo on his back that said, “

‘I’m either on the cusp of greatness or the edge of insanity.’ 

No one every asked him what that meant.

Cusp