Category Archives: Dating

Toto! We are not in Kansas anymore…

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Hello! Hollywood!

Not a lot of Bookstores in South Florry…

The Conciege at the glamorous hotel laughed when I aked him where a bookstore was located downtown.

After the big laugh, he reminded me South Florry was famous for reading

50 Shades of Gray.

That “tome”  was the “most read” book in Florida.

Really? 

Larry the Librarian

A library is not a luxury but one of the necessities of life.

Henry Ward Beecher

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At first, he was Mr Right – then not so much

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Julie fell madly in love with John before she even met him.

Her best friend, Cathryn, had been ‘selling’ him to Julie for three months before he even moved to California.

“You are going to love him!” was Julie’s mantra. Next, she would launch into how much John and  Julie had in common. The list was uncanny. They were both Yankees fans, Aires, Skiiers, quasi vegetarian, hiking-biking Mother Nature lovers who loved to cook.

For two years, Julie had dated a passel of people on Match.com and was both depressed by dating and at her wits end. This John guy sounded good.

Flash Forward six months: John arrives, moves in a mile away and they meet. Their first date is four hours and has Hot Romance written all over it. Their second date is twice as long – twice as much fun -and Julie is falling hard and fast.  John is tall, dark, handsome, flirty and romantic.

Then, he had to travel to India for two weeks – return home “sicker than a dog,” and they don’t see one another for a month.

He made no effort to call or text – she followed his lead. Confused.  She was beginning to wonder and have second thoughts.

It Happened in the Meat Department

Saturday morning, Julie was strolling the aisles of Whole Foods when she saw John across the crowded Produce Dept. Her heart leapt, she was excited. She quickly pushed her cart towards the mountain of citrus before she saw that John was shopping with someone. A woman. A Lulu Lemon clad, bleached blonde with ginormous cleavage.

She nonchalantly backed up her cart and slipped over to the Meat Department to pick up the lamb chops. Within a few seconds, John and Lulu walked right behind her. She was invisible. And she was crushed.  She left her cart in the aisle and quickly walked out of the store.

What truly depressed her was images of the many clowns on Match.com with whom she was going to have to engage. Her skin prickled. Her head was spinning.

Little did she know she was about to meet the real love of her life…japanese-cherry-trees-724289__180“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time.

We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

We are the change that we seek.”

Barack Obama

 

 

 

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She thought she said ‘gray’

birthday-cards-owl-quote-2Lori was an avid bicyclist. She belonged to two long-distance clubs and they travelled. There were five other single women in the group. Yes, they were competitive and a bit aggressive – however the women had a bond. They were all – nonchalantly- on the look out for: Rodney Right- Mr Big – The One.

Most of the men in the group were married, engaged or rabid riders who only kept track of their time.

One Saturday, the group pulled over in a huge park and stopped to have a bite to eat  (Quest Bars and Water.) Lori noticed a friend from work across the park and peddled over.

Her pal, Suzanne was with a large group of men and Lori  was intrigued.  She spent 30 minutes chatting with Suzanne and rapidly meeting a passel of people. Then, her group was off and she caught  up with them. 

Janelle, the loud girl in the group yelled back to Lori that they guys looked pretty “Gray” code for: old and not available. Lori kept quiet. There were a two men who were very friendly and handsome.

The next day, Lori called her new-best-friend Suzanne, to chat and really to ask about the very cute, older, guy in he turquoise blue riding ensemble. Mr Salt and Pepper Hair had been very attentive to Lori. Suzanne was out riding her bike when she answered Lori’s call.

Above a cacophony of street noises they chatted. Before Suzanne hung up – Lori asked about the cute older guy. And she heard he was “Gray.” Click.

No problema. She liked older men.

It took several phone calls, a little Google research,  and time before our friend Lori realized Mr McDreamy  was Gay not Gray.

Next!

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via Daily Prompt: Gray

 

 

Thou shalt not Flirt?

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The Annual He-She Man Hating Club – Non Flirting Branch – were quite pleased with themselves.

The six card-carrying members had attracted four young women who might, perhaps join.  Club members served tea and finger sandwiches while they espoused their views on men, mating, dating and flirting.

The singular most important rule pertained to Not Flirting in Public. The Club members proudly performed their Club song:

 Rooty toot toot, Rooty toot toot! We are the girls from the Institute!

We don’t flirt – we don’t kiss- we don’t hug – we do things like no one does.

Rooty toot toot, Rooty toot toot! We are the girls from the Institute!

We hold hands, walk by your side and smile all the a while.

Behind closed doors, we do what we want, with whom,

and take the secrets to the  tomb. Rah!

Membership had been down – the members were dying to attract new women. Many had called – out of curiosity-  and none had joined.

In time, the Non-Flirting Club evaporated and no one spoke of it again.

The only lingering evidence was the picture.

Pleased

What happens on St Patrick’s day…

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He arrived in a cloud of bravado – replete with kilt, bagpipes and a brusque manner.

His faux brogue, and canned Irish quips were as welcomed as the cacophony from his bona fide, squeaky, bagpipes.

Siobhan thought he was the epitome of charisma. Kelly and Kathleen, the twins, were beguiled by his elan. His legs weren’t bad either.

As the day unfolded, and more Irish Coffees were passed around the room, the dilettante playing barkeep- kept filling trays with shots of Bushmill’s.

The man in the kilt grew more attractive. The camaraderie of the clan- all wearing shades of green and all manner of cliche Irish memorabilia- intensified. Capricious kissing and flagrant flirting were an anomaly – seen rarely – on weeknights and always on March 17th – St Patricks Day. Slainte!

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Famous Dive Bar hits the skids

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It was truth, not legend, that your shoes would stick to the dirty, sticky, old never-been-cleaned carpet at the bar.

Guys wearing running shoes or tie-up dress shoes didn’t notice. If your wore flip-flops to the bar – you only made that mistake once. Girls in ballet flats complained loudly that they couldn’t lift there shoes off the floor.

Sticky floors was the least of the problems. New Bartenders were hired – seemed like every other month. Arollo was the bartender who lasted the longest. He was as slow as molasses, we thought he had zero personality, and had no filter. Until he barked out something that caught attention and caused pause.

He would say anything that came to mind. If the patrons all looked too serious, he would blurt out an  attention getting quip.

Here are the “Top Five Arollos” we loved:

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would ya know?

Dude! Gotta be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.

Hey! All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

Psst! What’s another word for Thesaurus?

Arollo came and went – and we never forgot  his droll, off the wall wit.

When the Dive Bar bit the dust, we had “Remember The Arollo Day”

Most said, Half Witticisms were flying.

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Happy New Year! 2017- Bring It!

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“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.”

Emily Kimbrough