Category Archives: Living in Florida

Her Motto: Will Date for Food

To say Annette was an opportunist only begins to describe the the woman from Rio.  (Rio Del, Humboldt County)

She is a striking brunette – both buxom and brassy. She attracted men like a moth to a flame. Whether it was charisma, phernomes or a magnetic attraction- none of her friends understood the dynamic. They merely watched as men dropped hints and business cards and asked her out every night of the week.

She didn’t actually wear a T-shirt that said “Will date for food,” but Annette had created a list of the Top 20 Restaurants in Miami and her goal was to leave her mark and dine at a dozen of the “Top 20” each month.

Her success rate was staggering.  Pubbelly, YardBird, Upland, The Bazaar, Pan E Vino, Stubborn Seed were all on her “Been there done that” list.

She was torn between liking a guy or just going out to dinner.

Her secret motto is: A girls got to eat. Her pals kidded that her refrigerator looked like a kennel  with dozens of Doggie Bags lining the shelves.

Annette was happy. Oblivious. And out to lunch – and dinner – all week long.

Eventually she decided she was craving karats…and she started a whole new campaign.

Soup Kitchen Lines

 

 

Torn

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Strangers in a Strange land: Florida at Christmas?

Good Bye, California and Cashmere!

And turtle-necks, leather boots, scarves, and gloves, berets, blazers, and wool coats…

Hello, Flip flops, sandals, T-shrts, sundresses, capris

and suncreen in December

(and January, February, March…)

No reindeer – lots of Pink Flamingos – 

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No Snow-flakes – Lots of Snow-cones


Flipper and Flamingos  – The New Normal

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Florida- where Palm Reading takes on a whole new meaning.

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Miami is just really fun whenever I go there. It’s like this post-apocalyptic Barbie world: everything is pink, and there’re palm trees everywhere. But then there are also all these people in crazy sunglasses

 

My Top 10 Florida Observations

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Top 10 things I learned about Florida

  1. The drivers in Florida are infamous for being are the worst in the nation.
  2. The produce is a lot more expensive- and you are spoiled in California.
  3. Everything is located in a strip mall: doctors, dentists, gourmet restaurants.
  4. There are big box stores everywhere- BJ’s, Wal-Mart, Kmart, Marshall’s.
  5. Dunkin’ Donuts is on every street corner; Floridians eat a lot of donuts.
  6. It’s hard to find a Wi-Fi cafés.  It is hard to find a “coffee shop.”
  7. There are no bookstores. (Those two or three Barnes & Noble don’t count)
  8. Rain can fall in buckets, and miraculously cause traffic to crawl – then clear up instantaneously.
  9. The summertime clouds in Florida are breathtakingly spectacular. The hot, sticky humidity isn’t.

10. Everyone goes to the beach on the weekends- and it’s impossible to find a parking place- especially in light of the fact they just razed an 800-car parking garage.

Book club in Miami

And…There is a reason 1,000 people

per day

move to Florida.

Yikes! The holidays are upon us, already?

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Holiday Madness:

… on my heels like so many barking, braying, hunting dogs as I skip along darting in and out of shops and websites thinking: turkey, cranberry, gifts for the ex-in-laws, coal for the Ex, a necktie for lousy lover from EHarmony with ego the size of the Transamerica Pyramid.

***Bake cookies for therapists, Life Coach, trainer, and running partners.

***Order pencils with names emblazoned upon them for writing group.

Like wolves howling at a full moon: The threats of holiday madness – scratching at my door.

The frenetic and the frantic and I’m so freaked

There are the cards, the cookies, cranberry, the dreidels, the Christmas Carols, Ted and Alices, for dinner parties. Book club gifts, Stitch and Bitch trinkets to buy, tchotchkes for the Pilates pals (all those overachievers with Botox- so much Botox.)

Purchase Papyrus holiday cards for clients and Ex- clients and commence with the annual scouring the address book for once a year pals – they are the Hallmark friends- the list grows longer every year.

Do I compose a Christmas letter one filled with fallacy and fol der rol? Embellished to the max to make a dull life look like Florida perfect, sunshine, beaches, lush gardens, multiple beaus, and a social calendar ablaze with what’s haute and hot?

I have a cadre of fans– who long for my Sunshine State life and they are buried in snow in dull times three Pennsylvania and Upstate New York, Wisconsin, and Montana.

They want to read about my romances and rendezvous -my glamorous weekend jaunts to the resorts, the Keys, San Diego and Beverly Hills.

There is no way I can tell them the truth.

I’m not a well-rehearsed, practiced, fiction writer for nothing!

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Village Idiot babbling incoherently

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Me, smart, too

Florida’s Freshman Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) doesn’t mention University excellance, his GPA’s, SAT scores, or any scholastic accomplishments…he is just a good ol boy…

Mere minutes after getting sworn in he grabbed the mic and commenced to make a fool of himself.

All the world is watching and laughing at Little Matt

 

What is wrong with this Picture?!

    

A Two-man company, in tiny town Montana

 got a $300 million Puerto Rico Contract

…directly connected  to Trump officials and  GOP donors.

Can you spell Zinke?

The bizarre decision to instead hire a tiny for-profit company is drawing heavy scrutiny from Congress

and comes amid concerns about bankrupt Puerto Rico’s spending as it seeks to provide relief to

its 3.4 million residents,

the great majority of whom remain without power a month after the storm.

#45 tapped Montana Congressman Ryan Zinke, who was raised in Whitefish, to be the nation’s next Secretary of the Interior,

He is responsible for (mis)  management of federal land and natural resources.

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The Puerto Rico Electric Power Authority recently signed the contract with Montana’s Whitefish Energy…  At the time, the firm had  two full-time employees. The contract was awarded without a competitive bidding process.

Cruz, the mayor of Puerto Rico’s largest city, described the Montana company as inadequate and said there appears to be a lack of “due diligence” behind the contract.

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“These men ask for just the same thing, fairness, and fairness only. This, so far as in my power, they, and all others, shall have.”

Abraham Lincoln

 

Skipping a reunion? Don’t even think about it

“Class reunions are the most important events to man”  Sartre

“Maybe by the 50th,

with all their FRICKIN’ grandkids born,

their PRECIOUS traveling done,

and their SOB STORY surgeries completed,

THEY’LL GRACE US WITH THEIR PRESENCE.”

Camus

            “Never miss a class reunion.” Goethe

We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.

Mother Teresa

“To miss a class reunion is like missing jello at Benson – unthinkable.”

Einstein

Fraud