Category Archives: Living in Florida
The perpetually Sunshine State may be all about miles of white sandy beaches, warm aquamarine waters, and stately palm trees but, it also is the
Bug Capital of the Region.
“La Cucaracha” was a song we sang in 8th grade Spanish class. Here, they are your roommates.
Our backyard is a vast tropical expanse. There are a dozen palm trees of varying sizes and a massive Star Fruit tree that drops bitter yellow blobs at an alarming rate.
Forget about sitting quietly and meditating while gazing upon this lush, green paradise. Everywhere you look, slithering on every tree, table, chair fencepost -are lizards, geckos and chameleons and the occasional black snake. They say the snakes are benign and supposedly good luck, however, that rising up like a Cobra-thing they do before they dart and gobble up lizards is gross.
Early on, the perpetual optimist, I thought I might take up gardening, and tame our backyard. Naïvely, I gently lifted a dangling vine, only to uncover a huge, shiny, 3-inch, brightly colored red and green bug. All aspirations for gardening ended then and there…
To the mall and beyond!
Welcome to Myammy
South Florida – home to a plethora of restaurants – surely decorated by Baz Luhrmann, in a fit of Not-so-great-Gatsby.
“Florida Decor can be very theme-park and over-the-top or subtle and suitable. Take your pick.
One does have to adjust to the fact: ‘Everything is located in a strip mall’ – including, the cleaners, the upscale restaurant, the hardware store…
Welcome to South Florida
My Best of MyammyBest Dine-Outside– Argentinian – Intracoastal-View – Superlative Service- Restaurant – Kaluz
Best H’Wood Bakery – Chocolada - skip the restaurant –go to the divine Pastry display- oh la la!
Best Movie Theater– FTL the Classic Gateway No glitz – just charm; big selling point:no previews.
Best H’Wood French – Le Comptoir – famed for Mussels and Pomme Frittes, Steak
Best Over-the-Top-Big Décor Very Good Italian – Brio Tuscan Grille– Bisc. Blvd at Gulf Stream Race Track
Best Seafood Lunch Two-fer on the Intracoastal- Blue Moon Seafood Co FTL
Best Oil Change-Sam’s Garage–a well-respected institution for decades -1021 NE 44th Ct, Oakland Pk
Best Pancake Restaurant –The Original Pancake House – 2125 Bisc. Blvd, Aventura
Best Dentist – Dr Maureen O’Flannagan -Deerfield Beach – 2nd Generation DDS /UOP Grad
Best Sunday Brunch Restaurant –The Sea Watch – Lauderdale by the Sea – Beware the lines- enjoy the Sunday scene- ocean view- plams swaying, waves crashing
Best Library: Alvin Sherman Library on NOVA Campus -FTL (Bonus: Peter Max and Dale Chihuly Exhibits)
Best Downtown Miami Restaurant – City Hall- Gold Stars: superior food, and service
Best Hardware Store– Ace Hardware 5 Star -If they don’t have ityou don’t need it17811 Bisc. Blvd.
Best Chinese – Silver Pond – 4285 Florida 7, Lauderdale Lakes, FL 33319
Best Ladies- Lunch with a View – FTL – Hilton Hotel- S3 – steak, seafood oceanfront
Best Dollar Store – Clean, Pristine, Sea Ranch Shopping Center – Lauderdale by the Sea
Best Target – Hollywood Park Branch – a best kept secret – no lines, impeccable
Best Miami Museum – The Perez- Allocate an hour to view the Ai Wei Wei exhibit. Fabulous.
Are you with me? Tell me about it…firstname.lastname@example.org
My new dentist’s office was located in a towering pink and white skyscraper. White sky scrapers are everywhere. In South Florida- buildings with pink stripes are not unusual. On Dixie Highway, people in the know call the building “Knose, Bressts and Butts. The Pink Palace is the go-to address for a plethora of plastic surgeons…who makeup up the majority of tenants.
My appointment with a dental hygienist was slated for 7:30 AM with directions to arrive early for paperwork.
As I pulled into the vast garage- where even the walls were painted pink and white- I saw a parade of sleek, black, limos lined up …out the length of the building.
There I saw, one by one, women swathed in bandages and headscarves gently assisted into the limos and whisked away.
As a parked my yellow VW bug, I was intrigued by the car choreography.
I walked cautiously towards the entrance and the limo line. A man dressed in a black turtleneck and black slacks, with the clipboard gave me a nod, a small smile, and rolled his eyes.
I walked up and said “ Hey, what’s going on?”
He said, in the South in the mouth drawl, “ These are the ladies of Doctor Slice and Dice. … all the pretty ladies. I call them all “Barbie.” With new butts, boobs, smaller noses and tummy tucks. Darlin, they are all on their way to the Barbie Hilton for RnR – Rest and recovery.
FACT:These women can’t look in a mirror for one week because there’s bruised as a mango. In week number two, all bandages are off and it was worth it.
A woman wearing hot pink, velvet, Juicy running suit was wheeled out. She had oversized Armani glasses over her bandaged eyes, a red Birkin bag, and a diamond the size of an egg was on her right hand. Her limo was a Bentley.
Welcome to Florida.
There were two women sitting across from one another, at a famed Miami Plastic Surgery suite of offices.
Both were thumbing through glossy magazines and chatting while glancing up at the long list of “Miami’s Dr. Marvelous’ Menu of Augmentations and Services” dancing on the huge, sleek, black, wide screen TV across from them.
Breast Augmentation – Breast Lift | Breast Reconstruction – Breast Reduction – Brazilian Butt Lift- Liposuction | Male Breast Reduction – Nipple Procedures – Tummy Tuck – Mommy Makeover – Ear Surgery – Eyelid Surgery – Facelift – Facial Implants | Forehead/Brow Lift | Fat Grafting | Necklift | Nose Surgery | Hand Rejuvenation | Injectable Facial Fillers | Laser Skin Resurfacing ….
Woman #1 Says: There are two things you never ask for in this office.
Woman #2 Says: Really? Tell me – this is my first time.
Woman #1 (without missing a beat) Says: “Never ask for a ‘Kim Novak’ or a ‘Liza Minnelli’