Category Archives: Living Together

Moving out of state and together? At 50?

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Open Up Your Golden Gate….

To move in or not to move in: that was the question

Sherry (admits to “over 50”) and Claude (62) met online. They exchanged four e-mails, enjoyed two lengthy phone calls, and on the first date, both were very carefully falling in love.

They both like opera, Mountain Winery concerts, old San Francisco, traveling to Santa Fe for the opera, Carmel-by-the-Sea, Wine Tasting events, and visiting National Parks.  She likes fiction. He likes nonfiction.  He loves butter, cream, and eggs.  She’s more of an advocate for quinoa, vegetables, and exploring the aisles of Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods. He cooks – she prefers dining out.

They were around same age, had been through painful divorces, had launched their kids, were finishing up careers and both were seriously thinking about retirement. He has a condo in San Francisco on Nob Hill, a doorman, spectacular views of both bridges; rarely drives – walks everywhere, and knows San Francisco like the back of his hand. His office is one of the top floors of the towering Bank of America on California Street.

She lives in a tiny cottage in Redwood City- with a charming garden, a hot tub – there is no lawn to mow, no big home to maintain, just sunny weather, parking galore, and she has privacy, solitude, and a huge deck for entertaining –which she does with great frequency. She belongs to a book club, a Pilate’s class, and volunteers at film festivals and the Museum – he says she has ‘a Rolodex full of girlfriends.’

She works from home for three very delightful and demanding clients in Atherton.

A Moving Experience:  On their one-year anniversary, they drove north on Highway 101 to the Victorian village of Ferndale and explored the area and the beautiful redwood parks.  Over crab cocktails at VI Restaurant he suggested she move into his spacious condo in San Francisco.  He had a second bedroom that could easily be made into her office or study.  He listed the many positive aspects of living in San Francisco – such an exciting location and – more importantly- of living together. She was thinking of the whipping winds and fog rolling in, parking challenges, the din of the neighborhood, the claustrophobic feeling of being so close to your neighbors, no garden…her mental list of “cons” grew incrementally. She was very happy with their arrangement. They were together all weekend and one or two nights a week. Two of her 50-ish friends had ‘living situations’ with beaus – they kept separate residences and saw one another frequently. The couples said they embraced their privacy and alone time and claimed they were very happy with the arrangements. She pondered.

Moving in together and moving away?  Then his boss offered him a position in Miami, Florida as VP of his department.  The assignment would be for 18 months with the caveat that he would return to San Francisco six times a year for meetings. The offer was a promotion with great benefits – and would most likely be his last position with the company. Thrilled at the prospect, he called and invited her to join him on this new adventure. She had been to Florida several times and liked the beaches, Art Deco architecture and Cuban Food, As she started thinking about the humidity, the traffic, the density, the severe summer weather, and the distance from her family and her friends her mood changed. Her best friend said, “Go for it! It’s only for a year or so and you’ll come back here every few months. Just do it. Candace, her neighbor – an Eileen Fisher model, 65, tango dancer with a shock of silver hair said, “Men? I go dancing once a week.  I just want to be in the arms of a man for one hour –and then go home to my cats and I’m happy.”  Another cat woman?

She was dizzy with input from her myriad friends and her love for this man – who was kind, thoughtful and more spiritual than anyone she had ever met.

 Things fall into place Her best friend from Albuquerque took an artist in residence gig at the Oakland Museum and needed a place to stay – voila: the perfect house sitter. 

She told her clients of her plans. She heard a lot of “Oh! no! What will we do?” comments punctuated with hugs and “Please don’t go.” requests.  She had a best friends meeting and they balked at the news… They asked if she wasn’t  little too quick to make a decision of this  importance. Her “Besties” were friends for decades who knew Mr Right and had googled him diligently. They urged her to slow down…not to throw the baby out with the bathwater and go to FLorida to visit – not live. A Bi-coastal relationship would be the perfect test.

Testing 1,2,3,

After one exhausting visit to Miami and the environs – the traffic, the heat, the miles and miles of strip malls, the infamous Seniors – worst drivers in the state and alarming stories about alligators and high rate of crime was enough to have her go for the BiCoastal Route

She would remain in California and he would fly home every couple of weeks.

Time would test the strength of their relationship.

 

 

 

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Want to really test a relationship? Move in together

First: Have a Garage Sale!

Possibly the Most stressful, exhausting, taxing, demanding, unfulfilling event in a lifetime….

Organizing, planning, purging, pricing, promoting, staging, signage, paperwork, selling, smiling, haggling…for hours and hours.

 

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…One man’s treasure is another man’s Junk…Dopey, really?

If you can ‘get along’ and work together for the common good and still speak to one another after eight hours of looky-loo’s, weirdos, and harassing hagglers….

And, if you can sell a ton of duplicates (you have two blenders, two irons, ice buckets, dozens of wine glasses, bowls, plates, baseball hats…)           and the myriad “Won’t Need Its ” for the new house’ items – Bravo!

More power to you…crack open a bottle of really good wine – you deserve it…Have pizza – really good pizza – delivered.

Put your feet up. You Survived.

Put Dopey near the recycling bin…

 

The Secret to avoiding birthdays

 

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Too Many Candles on That Cake?

Feedling frumpy and lumpy and old?

Do Not Despair. 

The famous American philosopher, Jack Benny, embraced the secret to the aging process. 

pexels-photo-302561.jpegAge is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”

 

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“Gags die, humor doesn’t.”

The famous “Stuck at 39” was a funny running gag that got started the year after Jack Benny celebrated his “first” 39 birthday on his radio show.

Take note, he said it was so much fun, he decided to do the same thing the following year. He said “There’s nothing funny about 40.” Mr.Benny, my idol,  would celebrate his 39 birthday 41 times.

Cheer Up, Binkie – age is a many splintered thing.

 

 

Forlorn

Strangers in a Strange land: Florida at Christmas?

Good Bye, California and Cashmere!

And turtle-necks, leather boots, scarves, and gloves, berets, blazers, and wool coats…

Hello, Flip flops, sandals, T-shrts, sundresses, capris

and suncreen in December

(and January, February, March…)

No reindeer – lots of Pink Flamingos – 

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No Snow-flakes – Lots of Snow-cones


Flipper and Flamingos  – The New Normal

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Florida- where Palm Reading takes on a whole new meaning.

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Miami is just really fun whenever I go there. It’s like this post-apocalyptic Barbie world: everything is pink, and there’re palm trees everywhere. But then there are also all these people in crazy sunglasses

 

My Top 10 Florida Observations

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Top 10 things I learned about Florida

  1. The drivers in Florida are infamous for being are the worst in the nation.
  2. The produce is a lot more expensive- and you are spoiled in California.
  3. Everything is located in a strip mall: doctors, dentists, gourmet restaurants.
  4. There are big box stores everywhere- BJ’s, Wal-Mart, Kmart, Marshall’s.
  5. Dunkin’ Donuts is on every street corner; Floridians eat a lot of donuts.
  6. It’s hard to find a Wi-Fi cafés.  It is hard to find a “coffee shop.”
  7. There are no bookstores. (Those two or three Barnes & Noble don’t count)
  8. Rain can fall in buckets, and miraculously cause traffic to crawl – then clear up instantaneously.
  9. The summertime clouds in Florida are breathtakingly spectacular. The hot, sticky humidity isn’t.

10. Everyone goes to the beach on the weekends- and it’s impossible to find a parking place- especially in light of the fact they just razed an 800-car parking garage.

Book club in Miami

And…There is a reason 1,000 people

per day

move to Florida.

He snores – she snores? Aw, come on!


They moved in together – Moon, Spoon, June: pure bliss?

Last May, Carly rolled her eyes and said that living with Don was bliss-perfection-more wonderful than she had imagined. Except for that one flaw. Flaw? Mr. Wonderful? Mr. tall, dark, handsome, highly successful and happy Don?   She whispered, “He snores. A little like a small water buffalo.” How bad was it? Move to another bedroom bad or just earplugs and melatonin bad? She was discreet in all their affairs, and merely waved her hand and tsk-ed, “Oh, not that bad.”

Flash forward to now-and Carly is no longer fluffing this one off.

She has dark circles under her eyes and the Bobbi Brown concealer barely hides them. And she will quietly share she just had the first good night’s sleep in weeks, because Don had gone to a meeting in Toronto.

She reveled in the nocturnal silence. She thought about taping “The Quietude of the Boudoir” as a meditation tape she could play back with her Bose headphones when Don returned.    She dismissed the idea as silly, but the night before he returned-she turned on her tape player to record three hours of white noise and pure silence. The next morning, she tucked it away in the bedside table.

Don’s return was highly anticipated. Carly shopped, prepped, and cooked his favorite meal to eat by candlelight, accompanied by Miles Davis and Keith Jarrett on their cool, old, record player. He was clearly exhausted. He had a three-hour delay in Denver, missed an airline connection and was beat. After dinner, they retired to the bedroom – within minutes he was out and snoring.

For Carly, the week of silence had been purely intoxicating and was now a distant memory as the cacophony of snorts, airbursts and coughs punctuated the night.

The tape!  Proud of her white-noise-invention, she found her Bose headphones and the mini-tape player and placed them on her side of the bed. She cleansed, toned, moisturized, and climbed into bed next to her amore as he belted raucous snores. Blissfully, she listened to her newly created, perfect, white noise tape. She could barely hear the muffled rustling of her satin duvet. As she was relaxing into silence, she heard a strange noise.

Something was wrong with the tape. It must be flawed. She heard a rush of air and a soft wheezing sound. The machine must be broken. Then she heard the pattern again. Louder.  Snoring! Had she taped Don and forgotten?

No, as she listened to the shocking snorting noise, she sadly discovered she, too, snored. Softly – but, she had a small problem. She would erase the tape in the morning and head off to the health food store for Melatonin. And, maybe soothing, sleep inducing  Belleruth Naperstek ‎ tape, earplugs might be good…brandy…her mind was whirling- while the love of her life was sleeping like a baby.

Damn him. Sweet dreams….photo_8735_20081228

What is your panacea? Tell me! myammy101@gmail.com

kiss 

Who Sleeps Where? Are you a Kitten or a Dog…

Yikes! The holidays are upon us, already?

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Holiday Madness:

… on my heels like so many barking, braying, hunting dogs as I skip along darting in and out of shops and websites thinking: turkey, cranberry, gifts for the ex-in-laws, coal for the Ex, a necktie for lousy lover from EHarmony with ego the size of the Transamerica Pyramid.

***Bake cookies for therapists, Life Coach, trainer, and running partners.

***Order pencils with names emblazoned upon them for writing group.

Like wolves howling at a full moon: The threats of holiday madness – scratching at my door.

The frenetic and the frantic and I’m so freaked

There are the cards, the cookies, cranberry, the dreidels, the Christmas Carols, Ted and Alices, for dinner parties. Book club gifts, Stitch and Bitch trinkets to buy, tchotchkes for the Pilates pals (all those overachievers with Botox- so much Botox.)

Purchase Papyrus holiday cards for clients and Ex- clients and commence with the annual scouring the address book for once a year pals – they are the Hallmark friends- the list grows longer every year.

Do I compose a Christmas letter one filled with fallacy and fol der rol? Embellished to the max to make a dull life look like Florida perfect, sunshine, beaches, lush gardens, multiple beaus, and a social calendar ablaze with what’s haute and hot?

I have a cadre of fans– who long for my Sunshine State life and they are buried in snow in dull times three Pennsylvania and Upstate New York, Wisconsin, and Montana.

They want to read about my romances and rendezvous -my glamorous weekend jaunts to the resorts, the Keys, San Diego and Beverly Hills.

There is no way I can tell them the truth.

I’m not a well-rehearsed, practiced, fiction writer for nothing!

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