The Following News Story was updated and improved.
No plagiarism involved. Well, maybe a bit, eh?
Breaking News: Hordes of ” US Liberals” slipping into Canada!
News Update from Canada, eh?
The flood of Trump-fearing American Liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week. The Republican presidential campaign is prompting an exodus of Americans who fear they’ll soon be required to buy a gun, build a fence, read the president-elect books, and live according to the “new” updated My way or the Highway Constitution.
Canadian Border residents say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of Sociology professors, global-warming activists, and “Green” energy proponents crossing their fields at night.
“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Quebec farmer, Rouge Greenfield. “He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a croissant and some French Fries. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”
Something fishy? In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the limber Liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Sara Palin and Kevin Bannon across the fields, but they just sang, “Puff the Magic Dragon” and kept coming.
Officials are particularly concerned about savvy smugglers who meet Liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border; where the batteries die and they are are ditched and left to fend for themselves, “These people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Alberta border patrolman said. “I found one bereft carload without a single bottle of Perrier water or quinoa. All they had was a nice little Napa Valley Pinot and some stale kale chips. When they are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear taunting and persecution from Trump Trumpets and Strumpets.
Rumors are circulating about plans using old, failed, Trump properties as re-education camps where Liberals will be forced to watch “The Apprentice,” buy a gun, patrol tall walls, deal with a flood of ‘bizarro world’ new laws.
Threats of Hair-comb overs, mandatory orange hair dye jobs and tanning salons mandates are all over Twitter.
However, in recent days, Liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border.
Some have been disguised as Senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. Not a new event.
After catching a dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, smart Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed “Senior citizens” about Captain Kangaroo, Perry Mason, Chubby Checker to prove that they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the secretary on the Perry Mason Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that these “illegal immigrants” are creating an epic organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Leonard Cohen CD’s and are overloading the Canadian Internet while downloading yoga and meditation apps to their iPhones. “
“Oh! Canada” said, “I really feel sorry for American Liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them.” “After all, how many English majors does one country need?”