Category Archives: Moving 101

Whoops! Down for the count!

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Hot Tip: Your Desk Chair on wheels can double as a wheel chair.

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Great Idea: When someone asks you to help them carry a titanic suitcase down a narrow staircase in their ancient Victorian manse in San Francisco- pull a Nancy Reagan and “Just Say No.”

Hannah Helper – hovering at 50- thinking she was still 29- said “Heck, yeah!” when asked to assist wth the gargantuan suitcase. Little did she know, it was filled with – “seemed like bricks,” and she jerked the bag set -by -step backwards on the stairs.

And so the Tumble began…

Ring-a-round the rosie,
A pocket full of posies,
Ashes! Ashes!                     all fall down

Great idea #2: Live Upstairs and Pack Downstairs: pack your suitcase on the ground level and bring your clothing, shoes (and bricks) down to the suitcase.

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Graceful

Happy New Year: Choose your path wisely

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Your success and happiness lies in you.
Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.

Helen Keller

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I believe in pink.

I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong.

I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I

believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.

Audrey Hepburn

Happy New Year

Sated by Satie? Not in this lifetime

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When I was a Sophomore in high school, our class travelled to New York City to attend a concert. While it was a long bus trip – the students were thrilled to go to the Big Apple and to a concert. Any concert.

Kids get confused. A bunch of kids were glad to have a the day off and and thought they were going to hear Monty Python star Eric Idle.

Others – knew full well we were going to a piano concert of music written by Erik Satie

We did our mandatory research – Satie was a member of a radical socialist party! Cool. Bizarre: he only ate white food: eggs, sugar, shredded bones, the fat of dead animals, veal, salt, coconuts, fruit, rice.  turnips.

And he wrote amazing music.piano-1508907__340-2

We got a heavy dose of culture...a pianist played Satie’s Top Six Best Pieces. We went from clods to cultured.

Long Live Erik Satie.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erik_Satie
Culture

Breaking News: Floods of “Liberals” tip toe into Canada

The Following News Story was updated and improved.

No plagiarism involved. Well, maybe a bit, eh? 

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Breaking News: Hordes of ” US Liberals” slipping into Canada!

News Update from Canada, eh?

The flood of Trump-fearing American Liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week. The Republican presidential campaign is prompting an exodus of Americans who fear they’ll soon be required to buy a gun, build a fence, read the president-elect books, and live according to the “new” updated My way or the Highway Constitution.

Canadian Border residents say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of Sociology professors, global-warming activists, and “Green” energy proponents crossing their fields at night.

“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Quebec farmer, Rouge Greenfield. “He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a croissant and some French Fries. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”

Something fishy? In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the limber Liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Sara Palin and Kevin Bannon across the fields, but they just sang, “Puff the Magic Dragon” and kept coming.

Officials are particularly concerned about savvy smugglers who meet Liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border; where the batteries die and they are are ditched and left to fend for themselves, “These people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Alberta border patrolman said.  “I found one bereft carload without a single bottle of Perrier water or quinoa.  All they had was a nice little Napa Valley Pinot and some stale kale chips. When they are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear taunting and persecution from Trump Trumpets and Strumpets.

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Rumors are circulating about plans using old, failed, Trump properties as re-education camps where Liberals will be forced to watch “The Apprentice,” buy a gun, patrol tall walls, deal with a flood of ‘bizarro world’ new  laws.

Threats of Hair-comb overs, mandatory orange hair dye jobs and tanning salons mandates are all over Twitter.

However, in recent days, Liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border.

Some have been disguised as Senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. Not a new event.

After catching a dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, smart Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed “Senior citizens” about Captain Kangaroo, Perry Mason, Chubby Checker to prove that they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the secretary on the Perry Mason Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that these “illegal immigrants” are creating an epic organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Leonard Cohen CD’s and are overloading the Canadian Internet while downloading yoga and meditation apps to their iPhones. “

“Oh! Canada” said, “I really feel sorry for American Liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them.” “After all, how many English majors does one country need?”

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Shocking! Florida drivers rated worst in USA?

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Buckle up, New to Florida!  It is going to be a bumpy ride…..

Slate Magazine reports Drivers in Florida are pure mayhem

And now, America, on to the cities with your worst drivers. 

No. 5: Baltimore. Baltimoreans just can’t keep from running into each other. They were outside the top 10 in fatalities, DWI deaths, and pedestrian strikes, but their rate of collision couldn’t keep them out of the top five overall.

No. 4: Tampa, Fla. Tampa doesn’t do any single thing terribly, but it is consistently poor: 18th worst in years between accidents, fifth in traffic fatalities, tied for 11th in DWI fatalities, and 10th in pedestrian strikes. If the city had managed to get outside the bottom half in any individual category, Tampa residents might have avoided this distinction.

No. 3: Hialeah. The drivers of Hialeah get into a middling number of accidents, ranking 11th among the 39 candidates. But when they hit someone, they really mean it. The city finished third for fatalities. They also have a terrifying tendency to hit pedestrians.

No. 2: Philadelphia. Drivers in the city of brotherly love enjoy a good love tap behind the wheel. Second-places finishes in collisions and pedestrian strikes overwhelm their semi-respectable 16th-place ranking in DWI deaths.

No. 1: Miami. And it’s not even close. First in automotive fatalities, first in pedestrian strikes, first in the obscenity-laced tirades of their fellow drivers.

Slate: Worst Drivers in USA   3 of 5 are from Florida!

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My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that’s the law.   

Jerry Seinfeld

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Whatta trip: Face plant 101

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There are no side walks in our treesy, breezy neighborhood.

People park on their front lawns. Yes, you read that correctly.

Up and down our street – scads of cars are parked on front lawns.  Super Ball Sunday – the entire neighborhood looks like a Used Car Parking lot.

The Tropical clime is perfect for massive trees to reach to the sunny sky and gnarly tree roots to pierce the soil and to grow – everywhere…

I love all plants – except the Face Plant.

Whatta trip? Shelia and Karyn were walking though the parking lot at a local grocery store. The pavement was bumpy as a result of all the massive trees and roots. Shelia tripped and grabbed Karyn for balance. Both girls went tumbling down. Shelia caught her fall, but her head bumped on the ground.

Ow! Karyn slowly corrected herself and stood up.

Her pal had really bumped her forehead and had a small laceration. She applied pressure with a fresh hankie and the two were off to find an ice pack.

As the friends walked away, slowly cursing the damn trees and the blanket-blank sidewalks they ascertained injuries and decided a quick trip to Urgent Care – to staunch the blood and continue the ranting.

There was a Letter to the Editor in the making…and one to City Hall and the Mayor…writing-1209121__180

 

 

Sidewalk

Where are all the bookstores, coffee shops and parking places at the beach?

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1000 people move to Florida each day.

And every day, at least 50% wonder:

“Where are all the bookstores? Really, where are they? Come one….

Where are all the coffee shops?”

(Note to Floridians: A fabulous Cuban Coffee Stand does not a coffee shop make…No, Dunkin Donuts is not a coffee shop)

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The Hollywood “Broadwalk”* is one of Florida’s Jewels in the Crown.

The beautiful beach – pristine waters, white sand, perfectly planted palm trees, life- guard stations polka-dot the beach every block or so… and an industrious small army of paper-picker-uppers make the beach a “go to” place for hundreds of happy families every weekend.

Where is the parking?

Parking Meters run  24/7 at most South Florida beaches…

and it can be a near  miracle to find an available meter.

Californians often quote: “Everything is in a strip mall” – The best restaurants, TJ Maxx, fast-food restaurants, Bed Bath and Beyond…all in a strip mall.

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Welcome to Florida!