Category Archives: Moving 101

Want to really test a relationship? Move in together

First: Have a Garage Sale!

Possibly the Most stressful, exhausting, taxing, demanding, unfulfilling event in a lifetime….

Organizing, planning, purging, pricing, promoting, staging, signage, paperwork, selling, smiling, haggling…for hours and hours.

 

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…One man’s treasure is another man’s Junk…Dopey, really?

If you can ‘get along’ and work together for the common good and still speak to one another after eight hours of looky-loo’s, weirdos, and harassing hagglers….

And, if you can sell a ton of duplicates (you have two blenders, two irons, ice buckets, dozens of wine glasses, bowls, plates, baseball hats…)           and the myriad “Won’t Need Its ” for the new house’ items – Bravo!

More power to you…crack open a bottle of really good wine – you deserve it…Have pizza – really good pizza – delivered.

Put your feet up. You Survived.

Put Dopey near the recycling bin…

 

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Is Harold really God’s gift to women?

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Whether it is bluff or bravado, Bachelor (again) and bon vivant, Harold H. quickly dismisses his three divorces, and announces he’s looking for a  woman who understands him.  

He is the kind a man  who measures success by the size of a wallet and bank account. Both of his are substantial. What he is lacking are social graces, compassion, and sensitivity. Some have compared him to the proverbial bull in a China shop. He is simply clueless as to the number people he alienates with his brash bragging.

Mind you, there are plenty of women who are attracted to him and his wealth  like a fly to honey. Harold H. will tell you, quite frankly, he’s looking for a “type.” He only dates tall,  blondes, generally 20 years his junior. His first three wives were petite, Mediterranean, homemaker types.

He thought he had a gold mine when he met Trixie- she was from Texas, was bold and brassy and seem to find old Harold H attractive. She loved to go to expensive restaurants, she knew how to feign interest to a man who was wining and dining her- especially when there was a potential for gifts in little blue boxes.

Trixie could drink most men under the table (years of practice) and she had a “frisky” side the Harold H found very attractive. Each week, he surprised Trixie with a piece of jewelry. He knew for a fact that most women faint over gifts from the jewelry store. His relationship with Trixie buoyed his confidence. People stopped and stared when they walked down the street or walked into restaurants. He liked that.

What Harold H never expected was that Trixie’s old boyfriend would reappear and she would drop him like a hot potato.

Trixie called him to say was going to return her jewelry drawer full of trinkets from Harold H- he said, “Hey, babe, fuhgeddaboudit!” He closed the Trixie chapter and was back on the Union Street prowl that night. 

Next!

 

 

 

 

 

via Daily Prompt: Present

Breaking News: Floods of “Liberals” slip into Canada

The following News Story was updated and improved.

No plagiarism involved. Well, maybe a bit, eh? 

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Breaking News: Hordes of “US Liberals” slipping into Canada!

News Update from Canada, eh?

 Floods of Trump-fearing/GOP TAX Bill loathing  American Liberals are disgusted  with recent events. Their rage is prompting an exodus of Americans who fear they’ll soon be penniless, be required to buy a gun, build a fence, read the president-elect books, and live according to the “new” updated My Way or the Highway Constitution.

Canadian Border residents say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of Singles, Families, Sociology professors, Medicare loving/Social Security fans and Global-Warming Believers, and “Green” energy proponents crossing their fields at night.

“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer and his entire family huddled in the barn,” said Quebec farmer, Rouge Greenfield. “They were cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a croissant and some French Fries. When I said I didn’t have any, they left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”

Something fishy? In an effort to stop the so-called illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the limber Democratic Liberals nibly scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Sara Palin and Kevin Bannon across the fields, but they just sang, “If I had a Hammer” and kept coming.

Officials are particularly concerned about savvy Canadian smugglers who meet The Liberals  just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border; where the batteries die and they are are ditched and left to fend for themselves, “These people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Alberta border patrolman said.  “I found one bereft carload without a single bottle of Perrier water or quinoa.  All they had was a nice little Napa Valley Pinot and some stale kale chips. When they are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear taunting and persecution from Terrible Trump Trumpets and Pensive Pence Patrol.

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Whatta Zoo!

Numerous Canadian citizens have complained that these ” Democrats aka illegal immigrants” are creating an epic organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Leonard Cohen CD’s and are overloading the Canadian Internet while downloading yoga and meditation apps to their iPhones. “

Rumors are circulating about plans using the many old, failed, Trump properties as re-education camps where Liberals will be forced to watch “The Apprentice,” buy a gun, patrol the  walls, deal with a flood of ‘bizarro world’ new – laws.

Threats of Hair-comb overs, mandatory orange hair dye jobs and tanning salons mandates are all over Twitter.

However, in recent days, Liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Faux SightseeingBus Tours – seeking new homes with entire households being shipped in weeks to come.

Some clever escapees have been disguised as Senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. Not a new event. Post the phony Pharma act, scores of Americans seek housing in Canada.

After catching dozens young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, smart Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed “Senior citizens” about Captain Kangaroo, Perry Mason, Chubby Checker to prove that they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the secretary on the Perry Mason Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.

“Oh! Canada” said, “I really feel sorry for American Liberals who are escaping Trump World , but the Canadian economy just can’t support them.” “After all, how many English majors does one country need?”

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Zoo

Cancel Vacation to Alabama? Yes!

There is No Sweet Home Alabama…

We Avoid Pedophiles, Predators….and the very sick Roy Moore…

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And…The Gov Stepped down, too

MONTGOMERY, Ala. — Gov. Robert Bentley resigned Monday, his power and popularity diminished by a Sex Scandal that Staggered the State and brought him to the brink of Impeachment and prompted a series of Criminal Investigations.

Ellen Brooks, a special prosecutor, said Mr. Bentley Quit in connection with a plea agreement on two misdemeanor charges: failing to file a major contribution report and knowingly converting campaign contributions to personal use. He pleaded guilty Monday afternoon.

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Another Alabama Whacko?

One Way Ticket – get outa town!

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One-Way

Ikea hates me…and you and you…

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With bright shiny faces, brimming with optimism, we placed our order in person. We purchased the Double Dresser and Mirror, and paid for the delivery and installation of the furniture.

Confirmed Delivery was clearly slated for be Thursday between 10:00  and 2:00pm.  

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We both had full calendars at work and so we hired an assistant to be on site to receive the merchandise and oversee the delivery and installation.

Thursday, at 8:00 am, GoodWill  removed the large antique dresser we were replacing. We had carefully emptied all the clothes, shoes and various items ready to put them in the brand, new dresser in a few hours. 

Katie, our Assistant, waited….There were no calls to confirm the arrival. She read and re- read the agreement and knew Ikea would certainly be efficient and on time.

Wrong on both accounts.

She started by calling the infamous 800 number…She spoke to three people who assured her they would be right back or connect her to a superior. Zip, Nada, Zero.

She was on hold for two hours. The first go around.

Based on Katie’s report, I called. I know a thing or two about Customer Service. The first time the Ikea person said they would right back, I was put on hold for 30 minutes.  Somebody else came on, and put me on hold; 15 minutes later,  I was assured me that Laura would call me the following day at 1 o’clock to iron out the delivery problems and line up the furniture  delivery for two days later.

Meanwhile, our entire bed and floor was covered with suits, jackets, shirts, ties and dozens of carefully organized shoes were lining the walls.

 What problems?

Laura did not call. 

We got back on the phone, gave anyone who would listen, our Case Number.

Somebody near the delivery department indicated the delivery wouldn’t happen that day and they would get back to us.

(I made the mistake of glancing at online reviews…the barrage of complaints went on for pages and pages- in multiple languages. Yikes.)

Like heck?!

There is no way I was going to take that for an answer. Naturally, I asked speak to supervisor, there were no supervisors, they put me on hold again. Another two hours.

I cleaned out the refrigerator, the hall closet and three drawers while on hold.

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 The Following Day, I scrutinized every line of dozens of IKEA reviews and got more and more depressed as I realize thousands of people were irate upset and incensed by ICKEA’s inefficiency and general disregard for any semblance of professionalism.

There were volumes of horror stories written by poor IKEA customers.

We thought we would be the exception. We had dotted all the “i’s” and crossed all the “t’s” and prepaid for the delivery and the merchandise and the installation. We were on the IKEA Mad Not So Merry Go Round for three days before we spoke to a human who cared.Untitled-2

This is a warning.

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Whoops! Down for the count!

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Hot Tip: Your Desk Chair on wheels can double as a wheel chair.

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Great Idea: When someone asks you to help them carry a titanic suitcase down a narrow staircase in their ancient Victorian manse in San Francisco- pull a Nancy Reagan and “Just Say No.”

Hannah Helper – hovering at 50- thinking she was still 29- said “Heck, yeah!” when asked to assist wth the gargantuan suitcase. Little did she know, it was filled with – “seemed like bricks,” and she jerked the bag set -by -step backwards on the stairs.

And so the Tumble began…

Ring-a-round the rosie,
A pocket full of posies,
Ashes! Ashes!                     all fall down

Great idea #2: Live Upstairs and Pack Downstairs: pack your suitcase on the ground level and bring your clothing, shoes (and bricks) down to the suitcase.

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Graceful

Happy New Year: Choose your path wisely

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Your success and happiness lies in you.
Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.

Helen Keller

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I believe in pink.

I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong.

I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I

believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.

Audrey Hepburn

Happy New Year