Are we home yet?
Living on The Avenue of the Giants
Living on The Avenue of the Giants
News Update from Canada, eh?
The flood of Trump-fearing American Liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week. The Republican presidential campaign is prompting an exodus of Americans who fear they’ll soon be required to buy a gun, build a fence, read the president-elect books, and live according to the “new” updated My way or the Highway Constitution.
Canadian Border residents say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of Sociology professors, global-warming activists, and “Green” energy proponents crossing their fields at night.
“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Quebec farmer, Rouge Greenfield. “He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a croissant and some French Fries. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”
Something fishy? In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the limber Liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Sara Palin and Kevin Bannon across the fields, but they just sang, “Puff the Magic Dragon” and kept coming.
Officials are particularly concerned about savvy smugglers who meet Liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border; where the batteries die and they are are ditched and left to fend for themselves, “These people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Alberta border patrolman said. “I found one bereft carload without a single bottle of Perrier water or quinoa. All they had was a nice little Napa Valley Pinot and some stale kale chips. When they are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear taunting and persecution from Trump Trumpets and Strumpets.
Rumors are circulating about plans using old, failed, Trump properties as re-education camps where Liberals will be forced to watch “The Apprentice,” buy a gun, patrol tall walls, deal with a flood of ‘bizarro world’ new laws.
Threats of Hair-comb overs, mandatory orange hair dye jobs and tanning salons mandates are all over Twitter.
However, in recent days, Liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border.
Some have been disguised as Senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. Not a new event.
After catching a dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, smart Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed “Senior citizens” about Captain Kangaroo, Perry Mason, Chubby Checker to prove that they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the secretary on the Perry Mason Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that these “illegal immigrants” are creating an epic organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Leonard Cohen CD’s and are overloading the Canadian Internet while downloading yoga and meditation apps to their iPhones. “
“Oh! Canada” said, “I really feel sorry for American Liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them.” “After all, how many English majors does one country need?”
She arranged for the move to the apartment. She hired the movers, packed all the boxes, and did all the heavy lifting, literally.
She had one request of him. All she wanted was to have the baby’s room be painted blue. She could live with the blazing white walls in the rest of the apartment.
That Saturday, she had to drive to her parents-her father had had another small stroke. She was gone all day. She called him to check up on the paint job and he said it was going swimmingly and that he had three friends helping him.
He said it would to be done in no time, and she could inspect it upon her return.
The following day, she drove back home and went by the new apartment to take a look at the nursery.
Hell hath no fury like a woman expecting, and expecting a baby blue wall- only to find a mural of madness.
Coupling: What is the trick?
For generations couples have pondered the relationship mystery: What keeps couples together? Is there a secret sauce- what is that je nais se quois that melds and binds a couple? Is it pure luck? Hard work?
Drop me a note at Myammy101@Gmail.com and tell me what you think.
And DO NOT hire the The Break Up Shop to send a text, email, snapchat, snail mail to your soon to be rejected par amour.
For $10 The Break Up Shop Will send your Lover a text to break up. (Tres classy, non?)
For $20 THE BS will send a form letter to the person you once dated.
and… who cares, after that?
Really? What kind of neanderthal – cave man – cave girl would stoop to such depths to end a relationship?
“Where are all the bookstores? Really, where are they? Come one….
Where are all the coffee shops?”
(Note to Floridians: A fabulous Cuban Coffee Stand does not a coffee shop make…No, Dunkin Donuts is not a coffee shop)
The Hollywood “Broadwalk”* is one of Florida’s Jewels in the Crown.
The beautiful beach – pristine waters, white sand, perfectly planted palm trees, life- guard stations polka-dot the beach every block or so… and an industrious small army of paper-picker-uppers make the beach a “go to” place for hundreds of happy families every weekend.
Where is the parking?
Parking Meters run 24/7 at most South Florida beaches…
and it can be a near miracle to find an available meter.
Californians often quote: “Everything is in a strip mall” – The best restaurants, TJ Maxx, fast-food restaurants, Bed Bath and Beyond…all in a strip mall.
Ask 10 Single Women what they usually have for dinner and you’ll hear responses like:
2. Fruit and Greek yogurt
3. A bowl of soup
4. A sweet potato- embellished with condiments
5. An omelet
6. A tossed green salad
7. Something from Trader Joe’s
8. An apple, cheese and crackers, and a glass of wine
Conversely, if you stand outside the gym at the JCC, Gold’s gym, or Trader Joe’s
(NOTE: This is a great way to meet guys) Ask a Single Guy what he’s planning for dinner that night you will hear:
1. Meat, potatoes, and salad
3. Mexican food or Chinese
4. A Stouffer’s frozen lasagna, salad, and a bowl of ice cream
5. Lamb chops, potatoes au gratin, green beans
6. Chicken, corn, cheese, rice, beans, salsa and corn tortillas
7. Hamburgers or a Hungry Man Frozen Dinner
8. Barbecued something…
9. Piece of fish, green salad with all the fixings, a vegetable
10. Something he picked up at Pasta Pomodoro, KFC, or BK, or McDonald’s