Category Archives: Moving In together

She just wanted a few diamonds

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Candy was a party girl. She lost interst in school – she got a job as a waitress -then became a cocktail waitress and was having the time of her life. Tips were flowing and there were parties all the time.

She met men ( both single and married) every day of the week and created a network of fellow “Fun Devils.” She claims she was never bored.

And then, the boredom hit the fan. Never in 1 million years did Candy ever think she would be bored with serving drinks and smiles. One of the old guys- a regular- once said if she ever needed a real job to contact him. Bingo.

In one week’s time Candy went from serving drinks- to a receptionist job in small law firm. it took a while to learn the names of the partners, and to become acclimated to the many machines she was using a daily basis.  She rose to the occasion – everyone in the office appreciated her bubbly personality and her diligence.

After several months, she was both liked and respected by everyone. Unbeknownst to the people in the office, she and Bradley J.  were dating very quietly, very surreptitiously. She knew he was “the one.” She also knew that she wasn’t getting any younger and was hankering for a diamond ring on her left hand.  She had dated enough to know Bradley J was a keeper.

And so it began, Candy created a very clever campaign to win the Bradley J. over and get that diamond ring of her dreams. She started with subtle comments about 14 carats.

Soup Kitchen Lines

After two months of no response-Candy decided she had to be more clever.

One day she sent her secret beau text message saying she was Craving 14 carrots.  (Spellcheck wasn’t working.)

That afternoon, Bradley J, put a brown paper bag on her desk. She was thrilled. She open the bag only to find the large, economy-size bag of pre-sliced carrots.

Frustrated-a little angry-she decided the panacea to this dilemma was to be more forthright.  That evening as they were walking towards her apartment, she steered him to the window of the famous jewelry store.

Staring at the tiny galaxy  of shiny diamond rings, she said, “Guess what I want?”

He said, patting the bag,  I know “Minestrone, Chianti and fresh French bread with melted butter. I’ve got it all right here.” 

Bradley J. was super book-smart and very slow when it came to Life 101. It took Candy  another two months to get him up to speed. Voila!

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Panacea

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My Life, Time: Look!


My Life and Time…magazines that define us

A creative writing teacher once asked the class to summarize our life-time with magazine names… I grew up in a classic 1950’s small town in northern California. It was very Sunset magazine.

  • The 1960’s were Beach Boys, Beatles, Rolling Stones and it was very Seventeen magazine.

  • The 1970’s meant college in  California, the  Temptations, the  Four Tops, Santa Cruz, Peace marches in Golden Gate Park, living in Mexico; and it was a Time magazine, National Geographic meets Mad magazine with Travel and Leisure, thrown in for color.

  • The 1980’s meant multiple careers and reading material went from Modern BrideWine SpectatorFamily Circle, and Parenting to Juggling 101.

  • The last decade has been that whirlwind of the Sandwich Generation- on wry- caring for aging parents and teens. Coming to many forks in the road and taking them…  Coming through divorce-land with a very bright light at the end of the tunnel.

It’s been a decade of How-to-Books: How to find the perfect assisted living; the perfect high school & colleges, the best family-law attorney and finding new paths to happiness and fulfillment. New Chapters – living and writing a whole new life time.

So far so good!

It’s been very Charles Dickens: best of times worst of times…and

I’m Still Here

Good times and bum times, I’ve seen ’em all And, my dear, I’m still here Flush velvet sometimes Sometimes just pretzels and beer, but I’m here I’ve run the gamut, A to Z Three cheers and dammit, C’est la vie I got through all of last year, and I’m here Lord knows, at least I was there, and I’m here Look who’s here, I’m still here

As performed by Elaine Stritch

 

Living on the Avenue of the Giants

 

 Are we home yet?

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The Stunningly Beautiful Redwoods of Northern California

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Another Type of “Giants” Fan

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Living on The Avenue of the Giants

Finding Your Place

Wanna move to Florida? Read this first!

IMG_0604Dear Myammy,

You have a good sense of humor. A pal sent me this about Life in Florida

(Written for people  60+ and others with a sense of humor.)

A few years ago, my wife and I moved into a retirement development on Florida ‘s southeast coast.  

Jerry Seinfield once said, “There is a law in New York that people over sixty must move to Florida.” It is intended to keep us seniors from becoming “Midtown Roadkill.”

We are living in the “Delray/ Boca/Boynton Golf, Spa, Bath and Tennis Club on Lake Fake-a-Hachee”.

Who knew? There are 3,000 lakes in Florida- only three are real.

blue-199261__180-2….gradual loss of…

Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going to do all day?

Let me assure you, passing the time is not a problem.

Our days are eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of our car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where we parked takes 20 minutes. It takes a half-hour in the check-out line in Wal-Mart, and a mere hour  to return said item the next day.

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Here a typical day: We get up at 5:00 am, have a quick breakfast of free coffee and pastries at the corner bank and join the early morning Walk-and-Fart Club.

There are about 30 of us, and rain or shine, we walk around the streets, all talking at once. Every development has some “late risers” who stay in bed until 6:00 am.Go figure!  After a nimble walk, avoiding irate drivers out to make us road kill, we go back home, shower and change for the next activity.

My wife goes directly to the pool for her underwater Pilates class, followed by gasping for breath and CPR.

I put on my uniform:Ask Me About My GrandKids’ T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my white belt, my white socks and sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby for a nice nap.

Before we know it, it’s time for lunch.

Costco! Here we come!

We go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by ladies in white hair nets. All free! For the more sophisticated, planning a trip to Costco does take some effort to make sure all the demonstrators are visited starting with appetizers and ending with desserts.

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Medical Care:We don’t need psychiatrists in Florida, pouring our life stories out to the Costco demonstrators an acceptable alternative. After a filling lunch, if we don’t have any doctor appointments, we might go to the flea market to see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for $2.00.

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We’re usually back home by 2:00 pm to get ready for dinner. People start lining up for the early bird at the hometown buffet about 3:00 pm, but we get there by 3:45 because we’re late eaters.

Free at last! The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve. We can take home enough food for the next day’s lunch and dinner, including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup and Splenda, along with mints.

Bingo! It’s 5:30 pm we’re home, ready to watch the 6 o’clock news. By 6:30 pm we’re fast asleep. Then we get up and make five or six trips to the bathroom during the night, and it’s time to get up and start a new day all over again.swimtream_

Doctor-related activities eat up most of our retirement time. I enjoy reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, so I don’t mind.photo_21418_20120211

Calling for test results also helps the days fly by. It takes at least a half-hour just getting through the doctor’s phone menu. Then there’s the hold time until we’re connected to the right party. FACT:Sometimes they forget we’re holding, and the whole office goes off to lunch.

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Food shopping is a problem for short seniors, or ‘bottom feeders’ as we call them, because they can’t reach the items on the upper shelves. There are many foods they’ve never tasted. After shopping, most seniors can’t remember where they parked their cars and wander the parking lot for hours while their food defrosts.

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Caught lifting Too Many “Free Samples”

Remember to choose a Senior Living development with an impressive name. Italian names are very popular in Florida. They convey world travelers, uppity sophistication and wealth. Where would you rather live: Murray’s Condos or the Grand Emerald Lakes of Venice? There’s no difference — they’re both owned by Murray, who happens to be a cheap bastard.

I certainly hope this material has been of help to you Future Retirees. Hey! if I can be of any further assistance-  look me up when you’re in Florida. I live in the Far Leaning Condos of Pisa in Palm Coast

Remember:

INSIDE EVERY OLDER PERSON IS A YOUNGER PERSON WONDERING,

“WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?”

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Breaking News: Floods of “Liberals” tip toe into Canada

The Following News Story was updated and improved.

No plagiarism involved. Well, maybe a bit, eh? 

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Breaking News: Hordes of ” US Liberals” slipping into Canada!

News Update from Canada, eh?

The flood of Trump-fearing American Liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week. The Republican presidential campaign is prompting an exodus of Americans who fear they’ll soon be required to buy a gun, build a fence, read the president-elect books, and live according to the “new” updated My way or the Highway Constitution.

Canadian Border residents say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of Sociology professors, global-warming activists, and “Green” energy proponents crossing their fields at night.

“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Quebec farmer, Rouge Greenfield. “He was cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a croissant and some French Fries. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”

Something fishy? In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the limber Liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Sara Palin and Kevin Bannon across the fields, but they just sang, “Puff the Magic Dragon” and kept coming.

Officials are particularly concerned about savvy smugglers who meet Liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border; where the batteries die and they are are ditched and left to fend for themselves, “These people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Alberta border patrolman said.  “I found one bereft carload without a single bottle of Perrier water or quinoa.  All they had was a nice little Napa Valley Pinot and some stale kale chips. When they are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear taunting and persecution from Trump Trumpets and Strumpets.

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Rumors are circulating about plans using old, failed, Trump properties as re-education camps where Liberals will be forced to watch “The Apprentice,” buy a gun, patrol tall walls, deal with a flood of ‘bizarro world’ new  laws.

Threats of Hair-comb overs, mandatory orange hair dye jobs and tanning salons mandates are all over Twitter.

However, in recent days, Liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border.

Some have been disguised as Senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. Not a new event.

After catching a dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, smart Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed “Senior citizens” about Captain Kangaroo, Perry Mason, Chubby Checker to prove that they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the secretary on the Perry Mason Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that these “illegal immigrants” are creating an epic organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Leonard Cohen CD’s and are overloading the Canadian Internet while downloading yoga and meditation apps to their iPhones. “

“Oh! Canada” said, “I really feel sorry for American Liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them.” “After all, how many English majors does one country need?”

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Whoa! There is a modicum of pain in Paint

She had organized the move to the new apartment from the beginning.

Wall of painted spirals

She arranged for the move to the apartment. She hired the movers, packed all the boxes, and did all the heavy lifting, literally.

She had one request of him. All she wanted was to have the baby’s room be painted blue. She could live with the blazing white walls in the rest of the apartment.

That Saturday, she had to drive to her parents-her father had had another small stroke. She was gone all day. She called him to check up on the paint job and he said it was going swimmingly and that he had three friends helping him.

He said it would to be done in no time, and she could inspect it upon her return.

The following day, she drove back home and went by  the new apartment to take a look at the nursery.

Hell hath no fury like a woman expecting, and expecting a baby blue wall- only to find a mural of madness.

He had lots of  ‘splainin’  to do.

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Paint

Dating and Mating- let’s call the whole thing off

Do Opposites Really Attract?

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Name Six Famous couples: Romeo and Juliet,

Antony and Cleo, Scarlett and Rhett, Vic and Albert, Liz and Dick, Eve and the guy with the rib…

Coupling: What is the trick?

For generations couples have pondered the relationship mystery: What keeps couples together? Is there a secret sauce- what is that je nais se quois that melds and binds a couple?  Is it pure luck? Hard work? 

Drop me a note at Myammy101@Gmail.com and tell me what you think.

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Opposites