The following News Story was updated and improved.
No plagiarism involved. Well, maybe a bit, eh?
Breaking News: Hordes of “US Liberals” slipping into Canada!
News Update from Canada, eh?
Floods of Trump-fearing/GOP TAX Bill loathing American Liberals are disgusted with recent events. Their rage is prompting an exodus of Americans who fear they’ll soon be penniless, be required to buy a gun, build a fence, read the president-elect books, and live according to the “new” updated My Way or the Highway Constitution.
Canadian Border residents say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of Singles, Families, Sociology professors, Medicare loving/Social Security fans and Global-Warming Believers, and “Green” energy proponents crossing their fields at night.
“I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer and his entire family huddled in the barn,” said Quebec farmer, Rouge Greenfield. “They were cold, exhausted and hungry, and begged me for a croissant and some French Fries. When I said I didn’t have any, they left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”
Something fishy? In an effort to stop the so-called illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the limber Democratic Liberals nibly scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Sara Palin and Kevin Bannon across the fields, but they just sang, “If I had a Hammer” and kept coming.
Officials are particularly concerned about savvy Canadian smugglers who meet The Liberals just south of the border, pack them into electric cars, and drive them across the border; where the batteries die and they are are ditched and left to fend for themselves, “These people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Alberta border patrolman said. “I found one bereft carload without a single bottle of Perrier water or quinoa. All they had was a nice little Napa Valley Pinot and some stale kale chips. When they are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing that they fear taunting and persecution from Terrible Trump Trumpets and Pensive Pence Patrol.
Numerous Canadian citizens have complained that these ” Democrats aka illegal immigrants” are creating an epic organic-broccoli shortage, are buying up all the Leonard Cohen CD’s and are overloading the Canadian Internet while downloading yoga and meditation apps to their iPhones. “
Rumors are circulating about plans using the many old, failed, Trump properties as re-education camps where Liberals will be forced to watch “The Apprentice,” buy a gun, patrol the walls, deal with a flood of ‘bizarro world’ new – laws.
Threats of Hair-comb overs, mandatory orange hair dye jobs and tanning salons mandates are all over Twitter.
However, in recent days, Liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Faux SightseeingBus Tours – seeking new homes with entire households being shipped in weeks to come.
Some clever escapees have been disguised as Senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. Not a new event. Post the phony Pharma act, scores of Americans seek housing in Canada.
After catching dozens young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, smart Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed “Senior citizens” about Captain Kangaroo, Perry Mason, Chubby Checker to prove that they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the secretary on the Perry Mason Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.
“Oh! Canada” said, “I really feel sorry for American Liberals who are escaping Trump World , but the Canadian economy just can’t support them.” “After all, how many English majors does one country need?”