Category Archives: Uncategorized

Dr Slice and Dice – Florida’s finest

pink high rise building
Breasts, Buttz, and Nose

My new dentist’s office was located in a towering pink and white skyscraper. White sky scrapers are everywhere. In South Florida- buildings with pink stripes are not unusual. On Dixie Highway, people in the know call the building “Knose, Bressts and Butts.   The Pink Palace is the go-to address  for a plethora of plastic surgeons…who makeup up the majority of tenants.

My appointment with a dental hygienist was slated for 7:30 AM with directions to arrive early for paperwork.

As I pulled into the vast garage- where even the walls were painted pink and white- I saw a parade of sleek, black, limos lined up …out the length of the building.

 There I saw, one by one, women swathed in bandages and headscarves gently assisted into the limos and whisked away.

As a parked my yellow VW bug, I was intrigued by the car choreography.

I walked cautiously towards the entrance and the limo line. A man dressed in a black turtleneck and black slacks, with the clipboard gave me a nod, a small smile, and rolled his eyes.

I walked up and said “ Hey, what’s going on?”

 He said, in the South in the mouth drawl,  “ These are the ladies of Doctor Slice and Dice. … all the pretty ladies. I call them all “Barbie.” With new butts, boobs, smaller noses and tummy tucks. Darlin, they are all on their way to the Barbie Hilton for RnR – Rest and recovery.

 FACT:These women can’t look in a mirror for one week because there’s bruised as a mango. In week number two, all bandages are off and it was worth it.

buff woman
Having Work Done

A woman wearing hot pink, velvet, Juicy running suit was wheeled out. She had oversized Armani glasses over her bandaged eyes, a red Birkin bag, and a diamond the size of an egg was on her right hand. Her limo was a Bentley.

Welcome to Florida.

billboard-3220111_960_720-2

 

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Best Pick Up Line? Oh, yeah

coffee-mugs-459324__180

Coming Up Empty?

Once Upon A Time…”Do you come here often” was the most clever, enticing, best all-around pick up line.

clock-865680__180Times: They are a changin’

Try this Short, Simple, Sweet, (easy and works every time) Line:

“Do you have time for coffee?

Are there just two kinds of women in FL?

We have all seen the

The sweet Snowflakes who drop in and do soft landings in Retirement World.

And we have seen fuming, spewing, angry Trump lovin’ Media Hating Ragers…

Shirley, you gest.

Florida has wonderful, smart, attractive women from all over the world who vacation, visit, live, and leave. Or spend six months in FL sunshine before returning to reality. (Canada, Ohio, New York, New Jersey…)

Where do all the Angry Women come from?

Florida Billboard: boosting Brazilian Butt Lift? Seriously?

Plastic Surgery Capital of the East Coast?

Myammy! Moving in together at 50...

 The actual billboard across from the Mall on Biscayne Blvd in Miami actually said:

“Hey! Look at me! Brazilian Butt Lift only $4999″*

Stunned – I snapped a photo of the billboard – while driving  …. and this is what I shot…IMG_0248

*Imagine, children,  a huge billboard –  

with a “Before” photograph of two old saggy – buns next to another photograph  of  an  

“After” photograph of two 20-year old buns.

You get the picture. Welcome to South Florida…

“My parents didn’t want to move to Florida,

but they turned sixty and that’s the law.”

Jerry Seinfeld

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Berkeley! A treasure trove of gourmets, goofs, wacks and wonderful

theme park sideshow

California Dreamin’

Berkeley – a mere Bridge away from San Francisco – and a world away!

A veritable mosaic of contradictions –

See this:

http://www.movoto.com/berkeley-ca/berkeley-stereotypes/

Coit tower, San Francisco, California

Berkeley: Down with up!

The beauty of Berkeley

 

 Walk to the coffee shop for a latte, cross the street for your  Hatha yoga class.  Right next-door is the wonderful independent bookstore, steps away from your  $10.00 manicurist. 

 Next, pick up a bouquet from the florist across street and stop in at the salon to get your bangs trimmed by Gracie who you’ve known for 10 years.

Walk one block to the Gourmet ghetto and pick up the kale, Salmon, berries and clotted cream, and those spices you need; get the sharpened knife from Sur le Tab, a bottle of wine, and a hostess gift at the cute, little, gift store four doors away.

C’est fini and c’est bon!

No Strip Malls.

No Driving.

California here I come!

Florida actually celebrates reptiles? Really?

 In Florida: a Celebration of Reptiles? Really?

The special event, celebrating amphibians, called ‘Repticon’ was held in lovely Fort. Lauderdale – what’s wrong with this picture?

It was dubbed  “Florida Reptile and Alternative Pet Show.”

You ask: How could there be a reptile event featuring vendors offering reptile pets, supplies, feeders, cages, and merchandise in Florida where lizards, geckos and their cousins freely slither, slide and glide in front yards, back yards, on your trees, fences and lawn furniture?

Touted as “Exciting, educational, family-oriented fun for everyone!”- unless you have an aversion to creepy, spooky, slimy, chilling creatures.

Welcome to Florida.

Shall we dance?

See: Lizards, Geckos…Oh, no!

 

 

A man’s friendships – speak volumes

A man’s friendships are one of the best measures of his worth.

Charles Darwin