Category Archives: Welcome to Florida

Don’t think twice…

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Visitors to Florida are usually keen to see an alligator.

There are myraid opportunities to visit Gator farms, Alligator museums and infamous  Gator displays.

Then, there is the unexpected shock of walking near a lake, lagoon, or a pond only to see a “sleeping” gator sunning herself…ready to strike when a pair of white legs walk by.

If ever there was a time to exercise caution – it is near one of those bodies of water which look so appealling for a quick swim.

Who know what lurks beneath those dark and murky waters?  Best Advice? Skip the temptation.

“Don’t taunt the alligator until after you’ve crossed the creek.”

Dan Rather
Qualm

Living in FL: Lizards, geckos, and bugs, oh no!

photo_3231_20070906 We now live in the lush, green, warm tropics.

In the backyard, we have a dozen palm trees and a Star Fruit tree, which on a windy day, drops yellow blobs of fruits at an alarming rate.

Yuck

There are some pointy, succulent, cactusy things in one corner, an orange Hibiscus and thorny, purple, Bougainvillea in the other and there is a smattering of mangy bushes.

 

As a rule, Northern Californians are pretty clueless when it comes to palm trees. Redwood trees are our thing.  Joyce Kilmer certainly wasn’t writing about palm trees.

Who knew that a palm tree would give off these huge, dead pods that look like something out of  “The Invasion of the Body Snatchers?”   Often you wake in the morning and discover, sometime in the quiet of night, another corpse has appeared on your lawn.

Every once in a while you might see a Black Snake. Today, there was a three-foot black snake sunning itself on the steps.

However, the most egregious creatures are the slippery, slimy, ones. They dart and dash and scurry and scamper all over the doorstep and on the patio. Lizards and reptile cousins slither up and down the trees, all over the fence, in and out of bushes.

And, they are on top of your garbage can.  Some of them reside in your garbage can.

I have the unseemly job of taking the garbage can to the driveway and putting it out for the pickup on Monday morning.

My stomach churns, my skin crawls and my mouth is dry, as I open the door to go outside to Lizard Land.  They must know I’m coming.  Can they smell my fear?

Once a week, I put on my perfect-for-Yosemite hiking boots and step into their world.  As fast as I can,  I grab that green receptacle and race to the curb and back into the safety of the house. Door slammed and locked. Good-bye, suckers.

Safe for another week.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/03/01/prompt-chain-gang/

The Evil Twins of Florida: Curb and DB

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Bitter?  Florida is anger – very angry…Trumpcare /Traitors…

Florida is famousfor an Aging demographic. Seniors have time to think, talk, and Vote.10393941_1575977282640664_4067056485906082171_n

 

“The vote by Diaz Balart and Curbelo will be felt here more than in most places around the country. A Kaiser Family Foundation study demonstrates that Miami has the highest concentration of Obamacare users in the nation. More than 365,000 human beings stand to lose health care if the plan Diaz Balart and Curbelo voted for — which still has a long way to go to become law — passes the Senate and is then sent to the president for his signature.

  As stated, “Diaz Balart and Curbelo don’t care about you. They’ll tell you they do. They DON’T! Or else why would they vote to place thousand of their district constituents in harms way?”

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The Good NEWS: Kicked to the Curb, Curbelo

“He should know he wrote his political death certificate with that vote last week. Because we are hell-bent on turning that district blue in 2018,” said Mike Williams, the founder of Indivisible Miami, the local chapter of a new group that sprung up since the election as the left’s answer to the Tea Party.

Bitter

Florida Billboard: boosting Brazilian Butt Lift? Seriously?

 The billboard across from the mall on Biscayne Blvd in Miami read:

 

“Hey! Look at me! Brazilian Butt Lift only $4999″*

 

Stunned – I snapped a photo of the billboard – while driving  …and this is what I shot…IMG_0248

*Imagine, children,  a huge billboard –  

with a “Before” photograph of two old saggy – buns next to another photograph  of  an  

“After” photograph of two 20-year old buns.

You get the picture. Welcome to South Florida…

“My parents didn’t want to move to Florida,

but they turned sixty and that’s the law.”

Jerry Seinfeld

What happens on St Patrick’s day…

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He arrived in a cloud of bravado – replete with kilt, bagpipes and a brusque manner.

His faux brogue, and canned Irish quips were as welcomed as the cacophony from his bona fide, squeaky, bagpipes.

Siobhan thought he was the epitome of charisma. Kelly and Kathleen, the twins, were beguiled by his elan. His legs weren’t bad either.

As the day unfolded, and more Irish Coffees were passed around the room, the dilettante playing barkeep- kept filling trays with shots of Bushmill’s.

The man in the kilt grew more attractive. The camaraderie of the clan- all wearing shades of green and all manner of cliche Irish memorabilia- intensified. Capricious kissing and flagrant flirting were an anomaly – seen rarely – on weeknights and always on March 17th – St Patricks Day. Slainte!

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Politeness and Civility?

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Speak Out

Seniors: Party starts at 6pm done by 8pm

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It was a dark and early Night…

The Tale of the the wild 6 pm New Year’s Eve Gala at “The Home.”

50% of the festive party attendees tip toed out to go to bed at 8PM.

The remaining “fun devils” headed home when party ended promptly at 9 PM.

Big Excitement: On the dance floor, the only two with some mobility and balance issues fell. Boom! There were no broken bones. Phew. Just Bruised egos and bums.

The Wanna-be Harry James Trumpet player in the band, The Ho Hums, warned everyone with hearing aids to remove their aids before he plays “his” song.  Scofflaws who failed to do so – then quickly removed said aids.

As the wild party came to a yawning halt at 8:55 PM, colorful hats and horns were distributed.

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Approximately, 75% of the peeps were able to rally enough lung capacity to toot their own horns; all others just turned shades of blue…Luckily, no one lost consciousness.

The Biggest Mystery of the evening was the 6′ “new resident” female with sassy, blonde, tresses; probably around 70-ish, very thin, poured into a skimpy sequined frock, and skirt barely covered her upper thigh.

Unbeknownst to her, she was the floorshow –

All agreed, it was entertaining to watch Ms Mini Skirt  try to sit down with any modicum of modesty.

One retired minister’s wife asked  who “This new blonde woman” was. A gent replied, “You know, one can be fooled by first impressions. Most likely she is a brain surgeon or an astrophysicist on loan from Harvard.

Now, all the ladies are abuzz and are tempted  to find out who the blonde woman is, and where she is living and with whom? 

The mystery begins…

Once again, The Single Woman gets all the attentionThe Gils_5957Tempted