Tag Archives: Dating 101

She just wanted a few diamonds

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Candy was a party girl. She lost interst in school – she got a job as a waitress -then became a cocktail waitress and was having the time of her life. Tips were flowing and there were parties all the time.

She met men ( both single and married) every day of the week and created a network of fellow “Fun Devils.” She claims she was never bored.

And then, the boredom hit the fan. Never in 1 million years did Candy ever think she would be bored with serving drinks and smiles. One of the old guys- a regular- once said if she ever needed a real job to contact him. Bingo.

In one week’s time Candy went from serving drinks- to a receptionist job in small law firm. it took a while to learn the names of the partners, and to become acclimated to the many machines she was using a daily basis.  She rose to the occasion – everyone in the office appreciated her bubbly personality and her diligence.

After several months, she was both liked and respected by everyone. Unbeknownst to the people in the office, she and Bradley J.  were dating very quietly, very surreptitiously. She knew he was “the one.” She also knew that she wasn’t getting any younger and was hankering for a diamond ring on her left hand.  She had dated enough to know Bradley J was a keeper.

And so it began, Candy created a very clever campaign to win the Bradley J. over and get that diamond ring of her dreams. She started with subtle comments about 14 carats.

Soup Kitchen Lines

After two months of no response-Candy decided she had to be more clever.

One day she sent her secret beau text message saying she was Craving 14 carrots.  (Spellcheck wasn’t working.)

That afternoon, Bradley J, put a brown paper bag on her desk. She was thrilled. She open the bag only to find the large, economy-size bag of pre-sliced carrots.

Frustrated-a little angry-she decided the panacea to this dilemma was to be more forthright.  That evening as they were walking towards her apartment, she steered him to the window of the famous jewelry store.

Staring at the tiny galaxy  of shiny diamond rings, she said, “Guess what I want?”

He said, patting the bag,  I know “Minestrone, Chianti and fresh French bread with melted butter. I’ve got it all right here.” 

Bradley J. was super book-smart and very slow when it came to Life 101. It took Candy  another two months to get him up to speed. Voila!

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Panacea

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She thought she said ‘gray’

birthday-cards-owl-quote-2Lori was an avid bicyclist. She belonged to two long-distance clubs and they travelled. There were five other single women in the group. Yes, they were competitive and a bit aggressive – however the women had a bond. They were all – nonchalantly- on the look out for: Rodney Right- Mr Big – The One.

Most of the men in the group were married, engaged or rabid riders who only kept track of their time.

One Saturday, the group pulled over in a huge park and stopped to have a bite to eat  (Quest Bars and Water.) Lori noticed a friend from work across the park and peddled over.

Her pal, Suzanne was with a large group of men and Lori  was intrigued.  She spent 30 minutes chatting with Suzanne and rapidly meeting a passel of people. Then, her group was off and she caught  up with them. 

Janelle, the loud girl in the group yelled back to Lori that they guys looked pretty “Gray” code for: old and not available. Lori kept quiet. There were a two men who were very friendly and handsome.

The next day, Lori called her new-best-friend Suzanne, to chat and really to ask about the very cute, older, guy in he turquoise blue riding ensemble. Mr Salt and Pepper Hair had been very attentive to Lori. Suzanne was out riding her bike when she answered Lori’s call.

Above a cacophony of street noises they chatted. Before Suzanne hung up – Lori asked about the cute older guy. And she heard he was “Gray.” Click.

No problema. She liked older men.

It took several phone calls, a little Google research,  and time before our friend Lori realized Mr McDreamy  was Gay not Gray.

Next!

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via Daily Prompt: Gray

 

 

Top 5 Ways Not to Break Up

Poems, tomes, books, blogs and rants have all been written about the subject. It is painful. It hurts. It happens everyday, everywhere. And, yet there isn’t a formula for success. There has yet to be a fail-safe recipe for cessation of relationship

 

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Kindler Gentler Ways to Cease and Desist

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Don’t hire a sky-writer to create a sign to break up with your sweetheart.

Don’t even think about Sending a Text to Break Up.

Don’t send a Dear John/Dear Joan Letter

Don’t call your Soon-to be-Ex and say, “This just isn’t working out.”

( or, “You are too good for me,” or “I need some space.”)

And DO NOT hire the The Break Up Shop to send  a text, email, snapchat, snail mail to your soon to be rejected par amour.

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For $10 The Break Up Shop  Will send your Lover a text to break up. (Tres classy, non?)

For $20 THE BS will send a form letter to the person you once dated.

and… who cares, after that?

Really? What kind of neanderthal – cave man – cave girl would stoop to such depths to end a relationship?

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In Medford, Oregon, the Pear Capital of the West, you will see this very appropriate sign

Downsuzungor-sign

 

 

Angry