Tag Archives: Florida

Top 10 phrases you will never hear in Miami

Very very true

Myammy! Moving in together at 50...

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Here they are: The Top 10 phrases you never hear in Miami

  1. The taxi drivers here are so honest.
  2. Let’s drive to the mountains – do you ski?
  3. Tell me your five favorite bookstores in Florida.
  4. Bundle up: put on your coat, hat, gloves and boots.
  5. Let’s go to the wine country.
  6. Downtown Miami is very safe and family-friendly.
  7. It never gets too hot or too humid.
  8.  A plastic surgeon is hard to find in Miami.
  9. Florida freeways are a breeze – simple to navigate and so civilized.
  10.  Excuse me… may I please…thank you… pardon me.

 

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“I think in the old days, the nexus of weirdness ran through Southern California, and to a degree New York City. I think it’s changed so that every bizarre story in the country now has a Florida connection. I don’t know why, except it must be some inversion of magnetic poles or something.”

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The Evil Twins of Florida: Curb and DB

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Bitter?  Florida is anger – very angry…Trumpcare /Traitors…

Florida is famousfor an Aging demographic. Seniors have time to think, talk, and Vote.10393941_1575977282640664_4067056485906082171_n

 

“The vote by Diaz Balart and Curbelo will be felt here more than in most places around the country. A Kaiser Family Foundation study demonstrates that Miami has the highest concentration of Obamacare users in the nation. More than 365,000 human beings stand to lose health care if the plan Diaz Balart and Curbelo voted for — which still has a long way to go to become law — passes the Senate and is then sent to the president for his signature.

  As stated, “Diaz Balart and Curbelo don’t care about you. They’ll tell you they do. They DON’T! Or else why would they vote to place thousand of their district constituents in harms way?”

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The Good NEWS: Kicked to the Curb, Curbelo

“He should know he wrote his political death certificate with that vote last week. Because we are hell-bent on turning that district blue in 2018,” said Mike Williams, the founder of Indivisible Miami, the local chapter of a new group that sprung up since the election as the left’s answer to the Tea Party.

Bitter

Florida Billboard: boosting Brazilian Butt Lift? Seriously?

 The billboard across from the mall on Biscayne Blvd in Miami read:

 

“Hey! Look at me! Brazilian Butt Lift only $4999″*

 

Stunned – I snapped a photo of the billboard – while driving  …and this is what I shot…IMG_0248

*Imagine, children,  a huge billboard –  

with a “Before” photograph of two old saggy – buns next to another photograph  of  an  

“After” photograph of two 20-year old buns.

You get the picture. Welcome to South Florida…

“My parents didn’t want to move to Florida,

but they turned sixty and that’s the law.”

Jerry Seinfeld

Florida celebrates reptiles? Really?

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A Celebration of Reptiles? Really?

The special event, celebrating amphibians, called ‘Repticon’ was held in lovely Fort. Lauderdale – what’s wrong with this picture?

It was dubbed  “Florida Reptile and Alternative Pet Show.”

You ask: How could there be a reptile event featuring vendors offering reptile pets, supplies, feeders, cages, and merchandise in Florida where lizards, geckos and their cousins freely slither, slide and glide in front yards, back yards, on your trees, fences and lawn furniture?

Touted as “Exciting, educational, family-oriented fun for everyone!”- unless you have an aversion to creepy, spooky, slimy, chilling creatures.

Welcome to Florida.

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Shall we dance?

 

See: Lizards, Geckos…Oh, no!

 

 

One of the really good things about Florida: Carl Hiaasen

Book club in Miami

Carl Hiaasen writes for the Miami Herald…

which is funny, because the newspaper is funny. Funny in a sensational, superfluous way.  Some call it “Newspaper lite.” Gertrude Stein might have described it as ‘A no there there newspaper.’ Hence, a large proportion of Floridians  (who rolled down the hill from New York) subscribe to the New York Times for real news and they read Carl to be entertained.

Hiaasen also writes books. Really great books.

The Bonus: Florida has Carl Hiaasen.

On the Right coast, Carl Hiaasen is legendary. He is revered nation-wide – but, in Florida he is holy grail guy.  Witty, urbane, irreverent and the author of a couple dozen best selling books.   Truth be told – The Bad Monkey Book Club – a homage to CH reports that he is so compelling- so famous – women straight out of an ‘I Love Lucy’ episode,  scour Florida hoping to find him, his home – just to spend a little time with him.

‘Skinny Dip’ takes on a whole new meaning with him.  He is a rock star – loved by millions.

When Carl Hiaasen speaks, people listen. The native son of Florida is well aware of the myriad oddities, the bizarre behavior and rampant corruption. And so he writes thinly veiled, clever as hell, fiction  about the sins of the sunshine State.

“I think in the old days, the nexus of weirdness ran through Southern California, and to a degree New York City. I think it’s changed so that every bizarre story in the country now has a Florida connection.

I don’t know why, except it must be some inversion of magnetic poles or something.”   Carl Hiaasen

If you have to drive anywhere – a Hiaasen book-on-tape will make your journey laugh-out-loud-more-fun. Welcome to Florida.

 

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www.carlhiaasen.com

See Here: Carl Hiaasen Books

I Love Lucy en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_I_Love_Lucy_episodes

Moving in together – across country. Really?

The Golden Gate

To move in or not to move in: that is the question

Sherry (admits to “over 50”) and Claude (62) met online. They exchanged four e-mails, enjoyed two lengthy phone calls, and on the first date, both were very carefully falling in love. They both like Woody Allen, Mountain Winery concerts, old San Francisco, traveling to Santa Fe for the opera, Carmel, Wagner, and visiting National Parks.

She likes fiction. He likes nonfiction.  He loves butter, cream, and eggs.  She’s more of an advocate for quinoa, vegetables, and exploring the aisles of Whole Foods. They were the same age, had been through painful divorces, had launched their kids, were finishing up careers and both were seriously thinking about retirement.

He has a condo in San Francisco on Nob Hill, a doorman, spectacular views of both bridges; rarely drives – walks everywhere, and knows San Francisco like the back of his hand She lives in a tiny cottage in Redwood City- with a charming garden, a hot tub – there is no lawn to mow, no big home to maintain, just sunny weather, parking galore, and she has privacy, solitude, and a huge deck for entertaining –which she does with great frequency. She belongs to a book club, a Pilates class, and volunteers at film festivals and the Museum – he says she has ‘a Rolodex full of girlfriends.’

She works from home for three very demanding clients.

A Moving Experience On their one-year anniversary, they drove north on Highway 101 to the Victorian village of Ferndale and explored the area and the beautiful redwood parks.  Over crab cocktails in Eureka he suggested she move into his spacious condo in San Francisco.  He had a second bedroom that could easily be made into her office or study.  He listed the many positive aspects of living in San Francisco – such an exciting location and – more importantly- of living together.

She was thinking of the whipping winds and fog rolling in, parking challenges, the din of the neighborhood, the claustrophobic feeling of being so close to your neighbors, no garden…her mental list of “cons” grew incrementally. She was very happy with their arrangement. They were together all weekend and one or two nights a week.

Two of her 50-ish friends had ‘living situations’ with beaus – they kept separate residences and saw one another frequently. The couples said they embraced their privacy and alone time and claimed they were very happy with the arrangements. She pondered.  Moving in together and moving away?  Then his boss offered him a position in Florida as VP of his department.  The assignment would be for 18 months with the caveat that he would return to San Francisco six times a year for meetings. The offer was a promotion with great benefits – and would most likely be his last position with the company. Thrilled at the prospect, he called and invited her to join him on this new adventure. She had been to Miami several times and  loved the exciting city.

As she started thinking about crowds, summers, the weather, and the distance from her family and her friends her mood changed.

Her best friend said, “Go for it! It’s only for a year or so and you’ll come back here every few months. Just do it. Candace, her neighbor – an Eileen Fisher model, 65, tango dancer with a shock of silver hair said, “Men? I go dancing once a week.  I just want to be in the arms of a man for one hour –and then go home to my cats and I’m happy.”  Another cat woman? She was dizzy with input from her myriad friends and her love for this man – who was kinder, more thoughtful and generous than anyone she had ever met. She looked forward to their weekends together and suffered withdrawal when he left her on Sunday evenings…

Things fall into place Her best friend from Del Mar  took an artist in residence gig at the Oakland Museum and needed a place to stay – voila: the perfect house sitter.  She told her clients of her plans. No one batted an eye. She had a family and best friends meeting and affirmed the news…

She spoke to her accountant, primary physician, and her hairdresser and – all systems were “go.” After one exhausting visit to South Florida – looking- locating and deciding on their new address – and much preparation- packing, planning, organizing -combined with several Going-Away-for-Awhile-Parties- the couple  was off.

Bon Voyage!

Let the adventure begin. Would you be as brave?

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