Tag Archives: Sunshine State

Shall I compare thee to a – Florida – summer’s day?


Shall I compare thee to a South Florida summer’s day?

(A Hot sonnet)

Shall I compare thee to a South Florida summer’s day?

Thou art sweaty and no more temperate.

Scorching sun doth bake thy darling buns today

And summer’s temps doth parch and roast- not unlike BBQ’d filet.

On every day –the red-hot eye of heaven shines,

And often is his searing complexion burning,

And every fair hair gal daily declines,

By chance, or innate wisdom, to go outside- we’re learning

Oy! Thy infernal torrid summer shall not fade…

Nor lose possession of that muggy, humid, air, I’m afraid.

Nor shall I walk or hike or wand’rest in this sauna

In this deja vu desert where thou sees a High of 90 and Low of 80

So as long as a cool California woman can seek and find the mighty AC

So long!      We live in hot pursuit of the Cool AC- that breathes life to thee. And me.

boat on a sea

See:Your Wife is Hot!



Psst! Five things they don’t tell you about So Florida


Yeah, yeah, yeah, so it is called the Sunshine State, there’s the orange juice, fabulous beaches, warm water, miles of white sand, 1300 golf courses and all that postcard stuff.

But the day-to-day reality- the ugly underbelly- is never disclosed in a brochure or a blog. Believe me.

Let me tell you – top five things no one warns you about in South Florida

1) Fraud

Upon arrival, you will frequently hear the words fraud, fraudulent, rip-off, scams, and swindles, scam-artists, illegals, and references to all shades of mafia, everywhere you go. You will realize the words fraud and Florida are often times linked together.

People in your yoga class, your church group, your book club, and  he checkout people at Publix will all mention the words fraud, rip-offs and stings and scams with great frequency. Angies’s List and Craigslist are not to be trusted. The checkout clerk at Ross may tell you to zip your purse because the gypsies work in groups of three and lift your wallet when you’re not looking. Welcome to South Florida.

2.) Frenzy

 The first thing you notice leaving the airport in South Florida is the drivers.

And everywhere you go, everyone will agree with you: Florida has the worst drivers you’ve ever witnessed.  Some say it’s the number of ‘new arrivals’ – South Americans, Russians, 200,000 French-Canadians a.k.a. Snowbirds, and, of course the infamous ancient seniors who live in Florida.  Put that little potpourri of a nightmare together and you’ve got really scary freeways. Buckle up, Mayhem.

3.) Fleeced

Your California car insurance is going to double.

I know. You can’t believe it.  What do I know? I know I became epileptic- apocalyptic- apoplectic when the quote for Florida car insurance was more than twice what I paid in California. Why, pray tell are the prices astronomical? See Frenzy above

4.) Frights

Who knew Burmese Pythons were so big in Florida? And prolific? These big daddies don’t have another predator to keep them in check – so they keep multiplying. Plus you’ve got your alligators. And bugs. Big, huge, ugly bugs.  And everywhere there are geckos, Black snakes, lizards, chameleons, and Komodo dragons.

5.) Getting new license plates in Florida is the 5th Ring of Hell.

Sounds easy?  Not so fast there, Binky.

In order to get new plates for your car – first you have to have the car insurance and a new Florida driver’s license. Consider those the 3rd and 4th rings of hell.

Believe me, each year the Florida Tourist Board seduces hoardes of happy campers to come play in the Sunshine State. Come for the sunsets, the water, the golf and hold on your wallet.



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